The Nightwatchman's Year: Pt 1

First in a three part series looking back on The Nightwatchman's 2006.

The year starts with a road trip to Sydney to see The Shins. The pub meals were cheap. I watched police break up a scrag fight and realised everybody wears t-shirts to gigs up there. Sydney was also the scene of Dave Rose's pun of the year, "Aerogard-less of what you may think...."

Also in January I posted brilliant photos of John Howard fondling his baton. Crikey ignored the story but did plug my tirade against Richard Woolcott.

February saw The Nightwatchman hit new depths in high taste by alerting readers to a Japanese breastfeeding cat. Best part of the story was the headline, Cat Nip Anyone?

Other great one liners like "When she spoke, it was like.... put another log on the fire," and "When she walked in it would give you a warm feeling, like a melted cheese sandwich," came from Pat Novak For Hire.

Lots of victories and celebration in March. Delta Goodrem breaks the world record for the amount of cliches she could pack into one song. Each of the 44 phrases contained in her Commonwealth Games anthem, Together We Are One is a cliche, an achievement unmatched in music history.

Melbourne celebrated yet another festival. I celebrated Mary Louise Parker and Crikey politics columnist, Christian Kerr name dropped me (oh, yes he did folks) for wondering if AWB's Iraq dealings could be just the tip of the iceberg when it comes with dealing with corrupt governments.

More AWB shennanigans in April with a spunky pic of Colonel Klink and a list of the people behind the 1757 I Know Nuffinks given to the inquiry and we discovered Alexander Downer's poetic flair.

It was also back in April when I was asked to be the priest guy at Magilla and Steph's wedding. I felt a little like Hugh Grant without the charm or um....words and stuff.... that day.

Even more impressive than my grace on the handsome couple's night o' nights is my dad's Moorabin Skindivers trophy for the 1962-63 season's Most Unusual Fish.

To celebrate the start of the footy season I visited Anthony Rocca's pizza dive and helpfully pointed out that watching Collingwood's kooky brand of footy was akin to watching The Dukes of Hazzard. Not even God or Mariah Carey's dog have an idea what I was on about.

And while in a helpful mood I told youse what records you should be digging and poured out everything I know on how to win at the marvellous game of Scrabble.