Knee Day: The Date's Been Set

I will be having my knee reconstruction on August 23. It's my second ACL reconstruction so I know all about the pain I'm going to cop.

I'm particularly looking forward to:

• Trying to convince the anesthetist that I don't require an epidural. I'm sure the last bloke gave me one without telling me and blame him for the ridiculous nerve injury I sustained, forcing my leg to twitch at night for the entire year post operation.
• The wonderful frustration and eventual kidney-splittin' pain of not being able to go to the toilet for 36 hours after the operation. To counteract, I shall cease drinking fluids.... TOMORROW.
• The incessant questions, the same questions damnammit!, about my medical history by the doctors, nurses, consultants, anesthetists, interns, students, cleaners, journalists, pigeon fanciers and beauticians. I'm going to print out a list of answers and laminate it.
• Watching the Collingwood v Melbourne game in my hospital bed, the night after the operation. I will be groggy, in pain and struggling to stay awake. McAvaney, Commeti and Schwartz are that tedious.
• The few weeks in bed after the operation. I hate that bit. Too much pain to read books and too groggy from the painkillers to watch DVD's. Yuck. At least I'll get out of there for the finals.
• The nurse weeks later taking out the staples. He/she better not fuck up like the last lady. Instead of taking the last staple out, she pushed it further in there. Worse. Pain. Ever.

Fricken knee.