Stuff You America And Your Exciting Super Bowl Finish, Australia Does Sporting Drama Best

You won't see a more gripping ending to this one at the inaugural World Handball Championships.


Just as Allan Jeans, Tom Hafey and Peter MacKenna are about to stage an all out barney over Barney's hit on Neville Bruns behind play, Jack Dyer puts all grudges into perspective with a well timed Bertocchi Hams presentation.


You won't catch Laurence O'Toole!

Celebrate World Of Sport here.

Peter Russell Clarke's Underappreciated Genius

One of the original celebrity chefs from the 1980's and the only person I can accurately impersonate.

So much to love about this bloopers reel. I especially love it when he looks down at his spag bog describing it as "a bit shithouse".

Something weird is happening in Youtubeland. Click here to see the video.


Bonus! Here's The Cartoon Connection's Agro's infamous blooper reel.

For Those Who Thought They've Seen Everything

At least it didn't surprise me.

I Suck AND Blow At Ding Dong Tomorrow

This text message conversation took place late last night.

Jack: How's the mouth organ practice going?

Me: To avoid confusion with activities popular with members of your community I prefer to call it a harmonica.

Yes, here's your chance to see me suck and blow on harmonica on stage with the wonderful power popsters, Ben Birchall & The Corrections at Ding Dong tomorrow night.

Note: The Nightwatchman playing at The Tote on January 29 is an impostor.

Built To Spill: Gig O' The Year So Far, That Is Until Rufus Plays Next Month

Can't believe I was there to see this at a half full East Brunswick Club.

Way up the front.

The most perfect sound imaginable.

And after the show, me and a mate ate kebabs with the band.


I had as much fun as these kids had.

Come to think of it the guy in the aqua coloured shirt is pulling off dance moves reminiscent of the new ones I have in development.

We Wish You A Very Hairy Christmas!

You've Got To Work It Hard To Be A Solo Man

This new Solo ad is an admission that...


this,


this,


this,


and especially this,


is nowhere near as manly as this.

Why Has My Rat Become So Popular?

Please tell me why in the past couple days I've got over 300 people visit The Nightwatchman to have a look at this picture.

The popular little bugger was originally featured here.

The Troubled World Of Skatemoss

I want a fox for christmas,


A batsuit,


A trip to the moon,


And a bat I can call my own.

These strange shots come from photo-blogger, Skatemoss who I stumbled across while reading The New Shelton/Wet Dry blog which I stumbled across while reading Copyranter.

Keh?

So when should I try again?

Lesser brains will explode if this Facebook error message stays like this.

Before You Get Too Excited About The Election Result, Stop Everything And Listen To This

Listen to this Sydney PEN lecture by brilliant Melbourne writer, Christos Tsiolkas about tolerance which was aired on Radio National's Book Show last week.

You know him. He wrote Loaded, the book which was made into the infamous but way awesome Alex Dimitriades movie, Head On.

What a lecture.

Spicy.

Biting.

Aggressive.

And an exact explanation why I can't stand either of the political parties and why I'm so disappointed with the left.

Spot on.

Wow etc.

By the way, Tsiolkas' 2005 novel, Dead Europe is a ball tearer, one of the most confronting yet beautifully written things I've read in years.

If I Was Interviewed By The Age's A2

On the spot
GLENN PETERS, Diamante Smuggler

When was the last time you lied?
Just then.

When was the last time you used the word hate?
In a scrabble game. Had to do it because the triple letter score was open and I was sure my opponent had an X.

What is your most treasured possession?
My original Ardent pressings of Big Star's first two records and my Jack Kerouac first editions.

Who would play you in the film of your life?
Morgan Freeman, Tom Waits or Rebecca DeMornay

What do you owe your parents?
$600.

What keeps you awake at night?
Everything.

How would you like to be remembered?
With a national holiday, thanks.

What makes you angry?
Everything.

What would you like to be your last words on earth?
The arsehole who stabbed me... His name is...

Which living person do you most admire?
Peter Daicos.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself and others?
Mediocrity.

What does love feel like?
Closing your eyes as Anthony Rocca lines up for a set shot at goal from only 30 metres.

What's your greatest extravagance?
My guitar. Worth more than my car.

Define beauty.
A blade of grass.

When were you happiest?
October 6, 1990.

What super power would you like?
Invisibility.

Favourite smell?
Wet road on a hot day as the storm is about to come.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
NA.

Glenn Peters will be presenting this year's Boyer Lectures. He is not sure what he's going to speak about yet but promises it will be "a doozy".

The Story Of The Entire Campaign Told By The Giants Of Oz Rock/Pop!

Men and women of Australia, behold some of the lamest election analysis ever attempted.


Straight Old Line by Split Enz


Changing Moods by Kids In The Kitchen


Listening by Pseudo Echo


Maxine by Sharon O'Neill


Kevin by The Eurogliders

Immortal Versus The Scissor Sisters

Dunno what's funnier. The Call of The Wintermoon video by Norway's black metal kings, Immortal....


Or a compilation of all their hits with a Scissor Sisters overdub.

Either way, I feel like dancing!

David Byrne Knew The Future

In the Future [Knee Play 12]
From David Byrne's 1985 non-Talking Heads series, Music For The Knee Plays.

In the future everyone will have the same haircut and the same clothes.
In the future everyone will be very fat from the stachy diet.
In the future everyone will be very thin from not having enough to eat.
In the future it will be next to impossible to tell girls from boys, even in bed.
In the future men will be 'super masculine' and women will be 'ultra-feminine'.
In the future half of us will be 'mentally ill'.
In the future there will be no religion or spirtualism of any sort.
In the future the 'psychic arts' will be put to practical use.
In the future we will not think that 'nature' is beautiful.
In the future the weather will always be the same.
In the future no one will fight with anyone else.
In the future there will be an atomic war.
In the future water will be expensive.
In the future all material items will be free.
In the future everyone's house will be like a little fortress.
In the future everyone's house will be a total entertainment centre.

In the future everyone but the wealthy will be very happy.
In the future everyone but the wealthy will be very filthy.
In the future everyone but the wealthy will be very heathly.
In the future TV will be so good that the printed word will function as an artform only.
In the future people with boring jobs will take pills to relieve the boredom.
In the future that no one will live in cities.
In the future there will be mini-wars going on everywhere.
In the future everyone will think about love all the time.

In the future political and other decisions will be based completely on opinion polls.
In the future there will be machines which will produce a religious experience in the user.
In the future there will be groups of wild people, living in the wilderness.
In the future there will only be paper money which will be personalised.
In the future there will be a classless society.

In the future everyone will only get to go home once a year.
In the future everyone will stay home all the time.
In the future we will not have time for leisure activities.
In the future we will only 'work' one day a week.
In the future our bodies will be shrivelled up but our brains will be bigger.
In the future there will be starving people everywhere.
In the future people will live in space.
In the future no one will be able to afford TV.
In the future the helpless will be killed.
In the future everyone will have their own style of way-out clothes
In the future we will make love to anything, anytime, anywhere
In the future there will be so much going on that no one will be able to keep track of it.

Uncanny.

Sufjan Stevens To Play Forum

And these feinting goats are excited.

Tickets on sale next Friday.

Vale Robert Goulet: Messing With Our Stuff To The Very End

Who do we blame now for messing with our stuff?

Ian "Turps" Turpey?

Also does it mean they're still going to make Goulet SnoozeBars now the great man is gone? I'm down to my last case.

Make sure you visit "the comfy velvet home" of Goulet SnoozeBars where you run your mouse pointer over his face and he says something hilarious.

My favorite:

"Hickory Dickory Dock. Eat my bar and pass out."

And the "product demo" is the FUNNIEST THING I'VE SEEN ON THE NET THIS YEAR.

I'm crying.

With laughter.

Hey Booster!

Last Friday night into Saturday morning, I spent almost five hours at the Melbourne Festival's version of John Cage's Musicircus, watching a lot of music, posturing and dance.

A LOT OF DANCE.

As a rule, I CAN'T STAND dance. I'd rather eat my own earwax than go to the ballet and as far as those dancing TV shows go... well get fucked. But I got chatting to a nice dancer who didn't seem like a fruit loop that night, so I thought it was only fair to give the artform, dance one more chance.

AND I ENJOYED IT.

Most the performances on the night were of the disturbingly writhing on the floor variety. You've seen what I'm talking about before probably late on a Sunday night on the ABC. Tights, muscles and dry rooting, much like the carpark after The Geelong Cup but substitute God Is A Slob Like One Of Us with Music For Airports.

But nothing at Musicircus came close to tap's Waughs, The Nicholas Brothers, THE COOLEST SIBLINGS EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.



Introduced with smooth gusto (if there was such a thing), by Cab Calloway, here's The Nicholas Brothers' RIDICULOUSLY GOBSMACKING Jumpin' Jive routine from the 1943 film, Stormy Weather.

Fred Astaire had the same reaction as I did years ago when I first saw it saying it was "the best dance number ever filmed."

I wonder what ol' Fred would have thought of the dance I saw at 2am involving the um... no, I won't go into it.

Kinky Friedman Says It Best

Seeing that the Herald Sun dedicated their first six pages yesterday to Crazy John's death I think it's only fair to talk about my mate, Polly some more.

Day three of my tribute to the best cat ever is a reprint of the epilogue to Kinky Friedman's Elvis, Jesus and Coca Cola, where he, in real life, not his character, mourns the passing of his best mate, Cuddles.

Epilogue

On January 4, 1993, the cat in this book and the books that preceded it was put to sleep in Kerrville, Texas, by Dr. W.H. Hoegemeyer and myself. Cuddles was fourteen years old, a respectable age. She was as close to me as any human being I have ever known.

Cuddles and I spent many years together, both in New York, where I first found her as a little kitten on the street in Chinatown, and later on the ranch in Texas. She was always with me, on the table, on the bed, by the fireplace, beside the typewriter, on top of my suitcase when I returned from a trip.

I dug Cuddles' grave with a silver spade, in the little garden by the stream behind the old green trailer where both of us lived in the summertime. Her burial shroud was my old New York sweatshirt and in the grave with her is a can of tuna and a cigar.

A few days ago I received a sympathy note from Bill Hoegemeyer, the veterinarian. It opened with a verse by Irving Townshend: "We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle..."

Now, as I write this, on a gray winter day by the fireside, I can almost feel her light tread, moving from my head and my heart down through my fingertips to the keys of the typewriter. People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

They say when you die and go to heaven all the dogs and cats you've ever had in your life come running to meet you.

Until that day, rest in peace, Cuddles

KINKY FRIEDMAN
FEBRUARY 5, 1993
MEDINA, TEXAS

Pussy Profile: WPC Polly Page

Mandatory Picture of Polly Holding a Stick, originally uploaded by glennpeters.

PUSSY PROFILE

Full Name: WPC Polly Page (WPC stands for Woman Pussy Cat)
Lives: Surrey Hills, Melbourne
Occupation: Cat
Hobbies: Birds, sleeping, sticks, ping-pong balls, bags (all types) and slot cars.
Favorite Food: Chicken necks, sweet potato and anything still living
Favorite Movie: Singing in the Rain
Favorite Record: The Storytelling soundtrack by Belle & Sebastian
Favorite Colour: Pink
Who Would You Invite For The Perfect Dinner Party? David Bellamy, Barry (ex next-door neighbour), Donovan, June Ackland, Jim Carver and anyone else who loves bags.
In 5 Years You Will Be: Waking Glenn and Genevieve up.
Catch Phrase: Weeoo
Motto: Have a good time, all of the time.

Originally published in March 2005.