Brownlow 15: Red Carpet Stupidity.

Apparently the hottest accessory for tonight's ladies is a baby bump.

No shit.

A grown up person said that on air.

The big phrase tonight is 'fashion forward' or as people in fashion call it, FF. I have no idea what it means. Well, it could mean wearing lots of black make up, hot pants under a see through skirt, having a dress made of all the shapes Pythagoras hadn't thought of, or in the blokes' case, a black suit and tie.

Here's Jack Reiwoldt doing his best impersonation of a full forward fashion forward.

There's been too many ads already. I know. This is the time you pay the most for ads because everyone is watching but some red carpet footage would be useful right now.

Quick observations. Jared and Clem McVeigh look stunning. Sorry, I meant hungry. James Bartel is wearing blue. Boo. Nadia Bartel is very perjures. Pendles and Alex Davis are didn't look like they enjoyed their inane interview. The McLachlan brothers are annoying. Oh God. One of them is reading the votes tonight.

Brownlow 2011: Blue Carpet of THE FUTURE

This is what we'll all be wearing IN THE FUTURE

.

So already one of the presenters has called the Blue Carpet "The Grand Final For the Ladies" or something like that. Annoying stuff. There's a blue thing called the Fashion Pod that spins around for us to have a good look at the frocks. Producers reckon the Fashion Pod is innovative. But really, it's awkward.

I can't keep up with all the Melbourne designer names. I'm useless for this. There was one girl who told us that she took her dress from a show that happened during New York Fashion Week 2012.

That's right.

She found the light blue-ish/white-ish/pearl-ish whatever it was FROM THE FUTURE.

Nick Maxwell's partner runs a fashion blog. Her dress looks like it came from the costume department of Isis. Dane Swan's partner's dress, she tells us, has already one a fashion award. Dane doesn't look occupied.

I'm with you, Dane. This Blue Carpet thing is boring. Bring on the voting.

Brynne, in what you'll see plastered all over the papers for the next week, said a lot of words about some dodgy business her and her stupid looking husband are doing now. Richo replies with...."Um..AMAZING"

Now a really awkward interview with Demetrio and his wife on the Fashion Pod. While it's spinning. I want to be sick. I really want to be sick. On the Fashion Pod.