Brownlow 14: The Scariest Footy Card Ever.

The disturbing Garry Jack NRL footy card I had when I was a child.

Round 5: Joel Selwood isn't very good at reading. Lucy is reading about ballet in the New Yorker. I'm sure she picked the article to wind me up but I'm not falling for it. Ablett on nine. Selwood gets nowt.

Round 6: Read by Jobe Watson. His neck is shaved in this reading but when we cut to him in the crowd it's very hairy. Too hairy. I'm confused. Dane Swan should get three here in his Anzac winning game. He does. Onto five. Ablett onto 12. Everyone's in a hurry. Even Bruce. I'm eating salad with a spoon.

Hamish McLaughin' is referred to as "The King Of The Kids". He interviews an Auskick girl onstage. It's amusing. The kid is funny. She's learnt her lines. They're good lines. Then a collection of Auskick kids saying funny things. It's funny to see how bemused they are when McLaughin' asks them things.

Round 7: Jack Grimes reads. He says that this game was the first time he's been in a win with Melbourne. I'd be sad about that but I can't stand Melbourne. Jamie Elliot gets three votes against Carlton. Ablett on 14. All the smart money was on Kennedy for Sydney. He moves onto six. The Brownlow rule still stands: There's only dumb money in Brownlow betting.

Round 8: Garry Jack's son reads. It looked like one of Garry Jack's balls was hanging out of his shorts on the Garry Jack NRL footy card I had in the 80s. Indeed, it's a collector's item. Ablett is on 14 votes.

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I thought that was over.