London's Burning: An Exclusive Report

Camden Market burns, yesterday

The Nightwatchman's UK correspondent, Matty Boy Gregory reports:

London is under attack. As a pal, it felt only fair I let you know; if for nothing else just so you can make Melbourne aware.

We both know that sometimes hyperbole can seep out as a necessary by-product of factual reporting. Well thankfully on this occasion this hasn't been a problem. Most of London is currently in flames, consumed by what can only be described as an urban forest fire.

For national security it is just being reported as a fire in a predominantly empty market area: unfortunately the market area is Camden. This is the favoured living and sociallising area of the Media, so we do not know how long we can keep up this necessary rouse.

All I ask is that you monitor any live feed you can, and if by some miracle, such as living 300 miles away, we manage to make it through the night, you let them know I cared.

Which reminds me of my favorite old insurance jokes...

Hung: So sorry hear your restaurant burn down last night.

Wang: No, Hung! That tomorrow night!