Tuesday, May 31, 2005

From Hack to Alchemist

The past week I've been at AWARD Copy School learning writing stuff from some of Australia's best copywriters. My tutors included the guy who wrote the Hard Yakka jingle (no ANTHEM), rival writers for Jetstar and Virgin Blue; the wunderkind behind the Carlton Draught Made From Beer ads; the funny bastard behind the office party soup ads; and one of my idol real-crime writers who confirmed every thing I said in this post.

Because these fellas were dauntingly talented writers, their classes were full of piss-funny one liners. Indeed, more one liners than a pre-fringe benefits tax luncheon.

Here's an unattributed bunch.
"While you and your mates are fucking saying how fucking good you are and giving each other fucking awards, your mum and dad are at home singing my fucking ads."
"Aussies don't like a smart-arse. They just want to like you."
"It's easy to be different but it's hard to be the same but better."
"It's only a fuck. We've all had one."
"I don't make any comments about xxxx's advertising other than it's shit."
"That's been done but has it been done again?"
"Remember, most of what we do is taking the piss."
I'm keen as a kid in a battery shop to work my new craziness learnt at AWARD Copy School so (here's the hard sell, the call to action if you will), it's time to hire me to write up your merde. I can’t promise to turn dust into gold but if you pay me enough, I might be able to squeeze some of your shit into porcelain.

When your marketing department, no bugger that, when your entire office comes back from lunch, all-staff email my details.
Glenn Peters

Telephone 03 9561 4438
I'm also really good at translating office/industry jargon into understandable English. So ner!

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