Friday, September 16, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Nightwatchman: Now With Sound!
Here's the first of perhaps many Nightwatchman radiolike show/podcasts. This one is a bunch of slow songs to should fit on one side of a D90. The best time to listen to it is late at night or during the day when you want to get some work done.
Maybe the next one will have me interviewing someone on it.
Maybe the next one will have me interviewing someone on it.
Monday, September 05, 2011
Back To The Cheese Platter I Go.
 |
| A cheese platter yesterday. |
Hey kids! Here's a little writing game I once had to play.
Write yourself a real short story starting with the sentence, “The rest as they say, is history,” and ending with, “My mother sat in the chair where she first saw the snake. My father lit a cigar.“
Here's what I came up with sometime last year....
“The rest as they say, is history.” And with that the screen switched to yet another fricken student film. Seven down and only another 54 to go. This was going to be one of the most tedious nights of my life.
If I need to tell you one thing its got to be this. Listen carefully. You might want to put this one away in your top drawer because you'll be needing this. No really. Stop. Write it down and put in your wallet next to the picture of your cat. This is important stuff.
When a friend asks you to come to their short film launch, do not EVER say yes. Open your excuses drawer and pull out the first thing you see.
“Thursday the 25th? Shit, sorry I've got a Scrabble tournament on that night.”
Anything.
When Mandy asked I was like you. Anything to help a friend and their two and a half minute, Super 8 masterpiece.
How wrong.
Get to the theater foyer and there's a lot of mingling but nobody there I know. At least one of Mandy's friends, me, is there to lend support. My usual partner in these situations saves me again. The cheese and kabana platter. Mandy runs past.
“Hey Mandy. Excited about..” She keeps on going.
A guy in a scarf (they all wear scarves) says it's time to go in.
After a brief 17 minute speech the films start and they are all except for one with a talking turd, rubbish.
Seven Reservoir Dogs copies, 12 bad not good bad but bad, bad splatter films, 14 'art' pieces and 83 quirky skits later it was time for intermission. Back to the cheese platter I go.
This time Mandy walks by, despondent. The film hasn't come back from the printers. It may or may not be shown tonight. Her mobile rings. “That could be him, now.” She runs off. Shit. The platter's run out of pickled octopus.
Scarf guy announces that there's another 37 wonderful pieces of work to go and not to bring wine back into the theater. Now I'm stuffed.
The first film after the break started. Another bloody voice over.... “My mother sat in the chair where she first saw the snake. My father lit a cigar.”
Monday, August 15, 2011
The Cracks Are Starting To Appear.
First, some nice work from Gawker.
Pippa Middleton's butt: Is it real? Opinions differ!
"I'm not convinced that it's completely natural... she may have had some sort of pants that gave her a little bit of a lift, or even a little bit of padding" says London spa owner Lesley Reynolds Kahn. "[E]xpensive dresses are designed to do all the heavy lifting on their own... and couture is almost always going to do more for a lass than a pair of jeans," says E!'s Natalie Finn. "Please give me food," says a starving Somali child.
No, I'm not desperate enough for visitors to post a photo of Pippa's arse. That's so last financial year.
Which reminds me of this marvelous bit of repartee I had with a young StKilda supporter girl on Friday night.
Orxx.
Pippa Middleton's butt: Is it real? Opinions differ!
"I'm not convinced that it's completely natural... she may have had some sort of pants that gave her a little bit of a lift, or even a little bit of padding" says London spa owner Lesley Reynolds Kahn. "[E]xpensive dresses are designed to do all the heavy lifting on their own... and couture is almost always going to do more for a lass than a pair of jeans," says E!'s Natalie Finn. "Please give me food," says a starving Somali child.
No, I'm not desperate enough for visitors to post a photo of Pippa's arse. That's so last financial year.
Which reminds me of this marvelous bit of repartee I had with a young StKilda supporter girl on Friday night.
Me: "OOH ST KILDA, THE CRACKS ARE STARTING TO APPEAR!"I believe the kids of today would say that I was "totes pwned".
Girl: "WELL, PULL YOUR PANTS UP THEN!"
 | ||
| Some football supporters yesterday. |
Monday, August 08, 2011
My First Thing For Boxcutters
And when it comes to three week European torture orgies, the Tour de France is by far the prettiest."
Read the rest at Boxcutters.
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Nightwatchman Interviewed
It’s been five months since the last posting. The Nightwatchman speaks to Glenn Peters to find out why.
First question, the obvious. Why? Where have you been all this time?
Good question Nighty. I picked up two gigs and they took all my time. Each day when I got home from work, I shot half a gram of Amway mixed with Jim Beam and battery acid into my eyeballs and went straight to sleep until the next day. Oh, and I played lots of scrabs on Facebook. Lots.
What sort of gigs?
I worked as an Amway salesman.
Yeah, good and all but don’t you think that you leaving regular readers is a bit of a pisstake?
No.
Are you sorry to regular readers?
No.
Rumors are that you are going to do some sort of snazzy Nightwatchman relaunch. And it might take place in a bar or something.
Sounds like one of those SEN radio rumors. Have you been talking to Toby Shitbeak?
Hold on, didn't you conduct and write this interview years ago, the last time you took a long break from blogging?
Yes. That's right.
First question, the obvious. Why? Where have you been all this time?
Good question Nighty. I picked up two gigs and they took all my time. Each day when I got home from work, I shot half a gram of Amway mixed with Jim Beam and battery acid into my eyeballs and went straight to sleep until the next day. Oh, and I played lots of scrabs on Facebook. Lots.
What sort of gigs?
I worked as an Amway salesman.
Yeah, good and all but don’t you think that you leaving regular readers is a bit of a pisstake?
No.
Are you sorry to regular readers?
No.
Rumors are that you are going to do some sort of snazzy Nightwatchman relaunch. And it might take place in a bar or something.
Sounds like one of those SEN radio rumors. Have you been talking to Toby Shitbeak?
Hold on, didn't you conduct and write this interview years ago, the last time you took a long break from blogging?
Yes. That's right.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Footy's Night Of Nights: The Winner's Interview
I hate Carlton.
I enjoy watching Judd play but I hate him because he plays for Carlton.
Quarterbrain doesn't ask questions. He just makes statements. He just talks and hopes. Lucky Judd knows what to do by now. Judd says footy is just make believe. He quotes Jim Stynes. Oh no, maybe I should be commentating this interview in verse. Judd is a smart bloke and a nice bloke. A very nice bloke.
But he plays for Carlton.
I enjoy watching Judd play but I hate him because he plays for Carlton.
Quarterbrain doesn't ask questions. He just makes statements. He just talks and hopes. Lucky Judd knows what to do by now. Judd says footy is just make believe. He quotes Jim Stynes. Oh no, maybe I should be commentating this interview in verse. Judd is a smart bloke and a nice bloke. A very nice bloke.
But he plays for Carlton.
Dane Swan Needs Two BOGs To Tie. But He Still Gets To Dance At The Big Dance
R21 Here we go. Here we go. There's no way this is going to happen. I do like Dane's shirt. He looks over it. He wants to go home. Pendles steals the 3 votes. Judd wins the Brownlow.
Eddie LOOKS FURIOUS.
R22 and Swan gets 1 vote. Ablett comes second in the Brownlow with 26. Judd wins on 30.
Rigged.
I'm furious too.
Eddie LOOKS FURIOUS.
R22 and Swan gets 1 vote. Ablett comes second in the Brownlow with 26. Judd wins on 30.
Rigged.
I'm furious too.
Footy's Night Of Nights: The Two Horse War Continues
R19. Judd is ahead by 2 votes in the "two horse war" with Dane Swan. Pendles gets two. Wellingham Sandwich gets 3. Swan is going to lose this war. Judd gets 3 votes. He's on 26.
R20 is another game where Swan was easily the BOG but there's other selfish players who will steal votes off him. Swan needs 3. Judd needs to do his hammy. At least I didn't bet on Swan this year. Ablett now on 22. Swan on 23. Not enough. Here we go. Judd to win. 3 votes. 6 ahead. Swan needs two BOGs.
Judd and Twigley leave the room before the ad break. Use your imagination as to what they're doing.
R20 is another game where Swan was easily the BOG but there's other selfish players who will steal votes off him. Swan needs 3. Judd needs to do his hammy. At least I didn't bet on Swan this year. Ablett now on 22. Swan on 23. Not enough. Here we go. Judd to win. 3 votes. 6 ahead. Swan needs two BOGs.
Judd and Twigley leave the room before the ad break. Use your imagination as to what they're doing.
Footy's Night Of Nights: We're Almost There
R17 and Jobe Watson has come out of nowhere to 16. Judd moves onto 23. Ablett onto 17. Swan onto 21! Here he comes!
R18 Alan will get some votes. he's on 10. Played a ridiculous game. Matthew Boyd from Footscray is on 18. As usual you hear of Footscray players the first time on Brownlow night. Alan 1 vote. D Beams 2 votes................... Pendles 3 votes!
Steve Quarterbrain points out that Demetrio has done a good job, "maintaining the suspension".
Good, and while you're at it, Andrew can you have a look at me spark plugs?
R18 Alan will get some votes. he's on 10. Played a ridiculous game. Matthew Boyd from Footscray is on 18. As usual you hear of Footscray players the first time on Brownlow night. Alan 1 vote. D Beams 2 votes................... Pendles 3 votes!
Steve Quarterbrain points out that Demetrio has done a good job, "maintaining the suspension".
Good, and while you're at it, Andrew can you have a look at me spark plugs?
Jack's Votes For Hot Footballers
When it comes to awesome manliness, my mate Jack is an authority.
Jack's votes for hot footballers?
C. Judd 1 vote
J. Bartel 2 votes
A. Didak 3 votes
I'm surprised Harry O'Brien didn't get a vote.
Jack's votes for hot footballers?
C. Judd 1 vote
J. Bartel 2 votes
A. Didak 3 votes
I'm surprised Harry O'Brien didn't get a vote.
Footy's Night Of Nights: The Filler Doesn't End
The ads are long. The interviews are long. The montages are long. The sponsored betting interview touts are long. And then Demetrio speeds through reading the votes. There's no wonder we, the people, have complete and utter contempt for commercial tv stations.
R15 and Band of Horses do the montage music. There was a time I would've given a toss. Ah, Ben Cousins has his tongue out. He looks smashed. Well, no he doesn't. That's what you would expect a 'blogger' to say. Swan got votes.
R16 was the week when we, Collingwood killed St Kilda. I will be looking at the tapes later this week. Demetrio said Johncock. Daisy gets his third vote. Alan moves to 8 and Swan to 18. Demetrio is stalling for dramatic effect. How droll. More ads. I'm sure Channel Ten are teetering on the edge of plaing too many ads. Nothing happens if they do though.
R15 and Band of Horses do the montage music. There was a time I would've given a toss. Ah, Ben Cousins has his tongue out. He looks smashed. Well, no he doesn't. That's what you would expect a 'blogger' to say. Swan got votes.
R16 was the week when we, Collingwood killed St Kilda. I will be looking at the tapes later this week. Demetrio said Johncock. Daisy gets his third vote. Alan moves to 8 and Swan to 18. Demetrio is stalling for dramatic effect. How droll. More ads. I'm sure Channel Ten are teetering on the edge of plaing too many ads. Nothing happens if they do though.
Meanwhile On The Collingwood Table
Moments before they had to sit through the Tim Lane/Jim Stynes interview.
Footy's Night Of Nights: A Jim Stynes Montage Expressed In Verse
Yes they do it,
People will cry,
Voiceover man talks deep,
On Football's Night Of Nights,
His light has never dimmed,
To know Jim Stynes,
Is to expect,
Nothing less.
I don't think Jim,
Has any fear,
And if he does,
He can overcome it.
The Melbourne Football Club,
Had no idea,
What they had on,
Their hands.
Gary Lyon speaks humbly,
We know it's humble,
Because he's not wearing,
A suit.
Black hair tufts on a fellow champion's chest.
Jules Lund,
TV Presenter,
Knows Jim Stynes,
Eye,
For Potential,
And appreciates,
In his case,
It was fostered.
Depth,
Compassion,
What a good man,
What a great bloke,
What a giant,
Of,
Our Game.
People will cry,
Voiceover man talks deep,
On Football's Night Of Nights,
His light has never dimmed,
To know Jim Stynes,
Is to expect,
Nothing less.
I don't think Jim,
Has any fear,
And if he does,
He can overcome it.
The Melbourne Football Club,
Had no idea,
What they had on,
Their hands.
Gary Lyon speaks humbly,
We know it's humble,
Because he's not wearing,
A suit.
Black hair tufts on a fellow champion's chest.
Jules Lund,
TV Presenter,
Knows Jim Stynes,
Eye,
For Potential,
And appreciates,
In his case,
It was fostered.
Depth,
Compassion,
What a good man,
What a great bloke,
What a giant,
Of,
Our Game.
Footy's Night Of Nights: Judd Will Win
In a canter. By ten lengths, by eight furlongs and any other betting cliches you can think of. Because tonight isn't about the ladies. It's about the betting ads. And about Dane Swan looking bored. Swan's coming back according to Quarterbrain but he would say that because he wants the twitterers to stay away from #qanda.
R11 Ablett hasn't had a vote for awhile. Swan moves onto 11. He's still behind by six.
R12. Ah remember the Geelong St Kilda fights game. I liked all that. There's not enough score updates. Everything's so fast. Still. Swan moves to 13. Ablett moves to 14. Judd pulls away to 19. Nobody in the crowd acting drunk. this is the worst Brownlow ever. Bruce McAvaney, I miss you
R13 Lots of StKilda players in double figures. Swan only one vote. Alan Didak moves to 5 votes. Nobody likes Alan. It's just not fair. Ablett gets nowt. Judd moves to 22. Leading by 8. Rigged.
Another montage. Really.
R11 Ablett hasn't had a vote for awhile. Swan moves onto 11. He's still behind by six.
R12. Ah remember the Geelong St Kilda fights game. I liked all that. There's not enough score updates. Everything's so fast. Still. Swan moves to 13. Ablett moves to 14. Judd pulls away to 19. Nobody in the crowd acting drunk. this is the worst Brownlow ever. Bruce McAvaney, I miss you
R13 Lots of StKilda players in double figures. Swan only one vote. Alan Didak moves to 5 votes. Nobody likes Alan. It's just not fair. Ablett gets nowt. Judd moves to 22. Leading by 8. Rigged.
Another montage. Really.
Footy's Night Of Nights: We're Back For Some Speed Reading and Another Montage
After 3 montages, an interview with an old bloke who talked about another old bloke calling him a poof we're back to the votes.
R10. I wasn't listening to round 9. During this round's montage we see the footage of the Richmond player getting his kenardleys crunched on the goalpost. Very entertaining. Judd is a long way ahead. Daisy Thomas just gets his first two votes. If he comes third I win $2,500. I don't think it's going to happen.
R11 and Judd is on 17 votes. This is rigged. Pendles is beating Swan. Ridiculous. Just because he looks relaxed in close doesn't mean he's put in a better game than Swan. Gawd, it's Jason McCartney's montage. Not a dry eye in the house. "Enough of the montages already," they cry.
R10. I wasn't listening to round 9. During this round's montage we see the footage of the Richmond player getting his kenardleys crunched on the goalpost. Very entertaining. Judd is a long way ahead. Daisy Thomas just gets his first two votes. If he comes third I win $2,500. I don't think it's going to happen.
R11 and Judd is on 17 votes. This is rigged. Pendles is beating Swan. Ridiculous. Just because he looks relaxed in close doesn't mean he's put in a better game than Swan. Gawd, it's Jason McCartney's montage. Not a dry eye in the house. "Enough of the montages already," they cry.
Footy's Night Of Nights: All The Ads Are For Betting
If I was a ten year old watching this I would be stealing my parents' credit cards to open an online betting account. How do you feel about that, Demetrio? You've just made the child in me a gambling addict. With all these witty and compelling ads on, me, Glenn Jr is destined to cost my dad his house and retirement. Happy now? And now you're doing a montage on a Pies losing grand final. I'm depressed now and I want a bet. Lucky I've lost all my cash buying a Grand Final ticket.
Footy's Night Of Nights: The Brownlow Montage 17-19
There's a lot of wise arsing going on Twitter. Most of the jokes are about Brynne, Fev and after looking at it for a couple minutes didn't come close to a LOL. Twitter is all about the LOLs.
Now for a montage of little kids saying cute things apparently. I hate that stuff.
R6 and I'll listen carefully to the political voice over man. Dane Swan equal third with Barlow and a few others. Already the lack of beer in the room is making tonight a little stale to watch.
R7 Alan Didak just got 3 votes. Swan and Ablett are equal second. No, Judd has just hit the lead. Chris Judd, the man the AFL love. And so do the umpires. He gets so much time to get rid of the ball. So does Ablett. The umpires favor these two blokes. Dane won't win.
R8 Pendles just stole some votes off Swan. A Swallow got two votes. I didn't know that birds could play footy. They have no thumbs. Judd clear ahead on 15 votes. Five best on grounds in a row. Rigged. He's clear by 6 votes. Judd in a dud team could win this. Now to the montage machine.
Now for a montage of little kids saying cute things apparently. I hate that stuff.
R6 and I'll listen carefully to the political voice over man. Dane Swan equal third with Barlow and a few others. Already the lack of beer in the room is making tonight a little stale to watch.
R7 Alan Didak just got 3 votes. Swan and Ablett are equal second. No, Judd has just hit the lead. Chris Judd, the man the AFL love. And so do the umpires. He gets so much time to get rid of the ball. So does Ablett. The umpires favor these two blokes. Dane won't win.
R8 Pendles just stole some votes off Swan. A Swallow got two votes. I didn't know that birds could play footy. They have no thumbs. Judd clear ahead on 15 votes. Five best on grounds in a row. Rigged. He's clear by 6 votes. Judd in a dud team could win this. Now to the montage machine.
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