Brownlow 2012: Charge Your Glasses And Be Upstanding For Jobe Watson etc.

This year's Brownlow Medal winner (left).

Round twenty something. 21 I think. No votes for Watson because they lost by a million points. No votes to Mitchell. he stays on 23. DANE ZORKO GETS 2 VOTES. I love Dane Zorko. Beams gets 2 to move to a respectable 19 votes. Cotchin on 20.

But Jobe Watson wins the Brownlow Medal.

He's on 30 and nobody can catch him.

Not even Judd.

Unless they change the rules right now to give Judd another. But they don't.

Round 22. I need Beams to poll and get a place but he doesn't. Ablett moves to 24. Cotchin moves to equal third 23. Round 23. Swan moves to 25. Mitchell and I think Thompson 26.

But it's over. Dane Swan hands over the medal to run off the stage to get stuck into a beer and a kebab (do they serve kebabs at the Casino?), and Mark Fitzpatrick tells us to charge your glasses and be upstanding (this will be one of the last times Dane will be upstanding all night), for Jobe Watson the 2012 Brownlow Medal winner.

The interview starts slowly. "What was going through your mind?" Watson doesn't say much interesting. Probably because the questions have been asked so many times before. Bruce is going through his whole career. it's like that boring bit of a rock biography when they talk about being young and having a dad and shit. I want this interview to end. It's so controlled. I do like his dad but. Met him and worked with Tim Watson for a day once. He was brilliant. Now they're talking about Old Xavs. Eugh. And now his partner, Ella. And the rest of the family, sisters, whatever.

Now to talk about his dad again. This is the bit that might get emotional. Bruce mentions Jobe's grandfather who died recently. But Jobe won't crack. He's tough under pressure.

Well done.

Credit where credit's due.

Brownlow 2012: Jobe Watson Will Win It (I Think).

This year's Brownlow Medal winner and his dad (well, I think he'll win it)

It's hotting up. Round 19. Watson in the lead with 29 with Ablett on 23 and Swan on 22. Watson gets three. I hate Essington.

Round 20. Collingwood killed Sydney. Beams should get votes, stealing off Swan. Swan was on drinking leave. He can't win it. No votes to Ablett!!! I hope this Essington guy wins it. He moves to 30. Mitchell on 23.

Only a few rounds to go and Watson will struggle to get votes. Ablett has a couple of best on grounds to go but I don't think he'll catch up.

Meanwhile on QandA... I don't care what happens on QandA.

Bruce interviewing Dane Swan. Dane rounding his vowels. Struggling with words. He gets through the interview without passing out.

As it says in the headline, Jobe will win it.

There will be a riot if Gary Garry Junior wins it.

Brownlow 2012: It's Getting Exciting. Well, As Exciting As A Counting Show Gets.

Back to the footy. Round 17. Footage of a Freo player getting hit in the orchestra stalls. Cotchin moves to 15. Stephen Milne gets his second vote. Swan gets 2 in a losing game to 17 but Mitchell gets 3 to move to 18. Ablett on 21. No votes to Watson. Demetrious is slowing down for effect. Tedious.

Round 18 and Dane Swan was pretty awesome. Let's see how he goes. He's too far behind. Lenny Hayes onto 18. Why do non Saints supporters like Lenny Hayes? I do. I don't know why. It's against my nature. Swan gets the 3 and moves to 20. Ablett on 22. Watson. Does he get votes? No. They lost by 94 points. It would be a crime.

The round up board reckons Ablett comes home with a wet sail.

How excitement.

Brownlow 2012: The Sad Bit With Jim Stynes In It.

So we're all worked up after a Motorhead montage and what do they give us?

A long Jim Stynes tribute.

Anyway, now is a good time to look at twitter. Matthew Lappin has just tweeted the controversial "Our game is judged by how many not how effective." I completely agree. Obviously he's referring to the Ablett travesty against Collingwood.

Back to the Brownlow and Brian Stynes is crying. Bruce looks awkward. Mike Fitzpatrick is announcing a new award. A Jim Stynes community award for the player who does most for the community. We don't get to see the votes for this. Daniel Jackson of Richmond wins it. Beats Nick Maxwell and Jared Harbrow by only a few votes.

Early money on Harry O'Brien winning it next year for solving the Palestinian situation, the war in Sudan and the ongoing row between Russell Brand and Noel Gallagher.

Follow all that goodwill with that fucking Crown Casino ad.

Brownlow 2012: There Was A Montage With Motorhead Playing In The Background.

Lemmy earlier today.

How do you make montages awesome?

Set them to a Motorhead soundtrack.

Brownlow 2012: Judd Gets Votes On The Same Game He Gets Suspended.

Plonker.

Round 14 and we get more footage of Travis Cloke getting hit in the head with a footy. Clumsy clot. Bad at negotiating contracts but sure can play in Septembers. Nic Nat gets his 4th vote. Swan moves onto 15. Thompson 16 but Watson onto 26!

Round 15 and I need to go to the toilet. I will hold on. Judd onto 10. Cox onto 6. Cotchin is getting bugger all votes. Ablett moves onto 16. No votes to Watson. I can't hold on much longer.

Round 16 was when Juddy did the chicken wing. What a fucking plonker. He's only got about 10 votes. Happy with that. BUT HE GETS 2 VOTES DESPITE GETTING REPORTED. Unbelievable.

Ablett moves onto 18.

Brownlow 2012: This Is Grateness.

Joffa in a plaintive mood, yesterday.

Round 12. The one thing I like about Jobe Watson being streets ahead is that he's beating Ablett. But I think Gary Gary Junior gets a few votes here. Lets' see. Nic Nat gets his second vote because despite everything you see and everything they say, he's not a great player. Ablett gets his 15th vote. Watson stays on 20.

Round 13. Rhyce Shaw got 3 votes. Swan gets his 12th. Beams gets his 11th. The Pies table looks tired and emotional. Watson on 23. Yes, 23 votes after 13 rounds. Flying.

Montage of angry fans to Joffa doing a Tim Rogers impersonation. It's all a bit weird. Confronting. Sad. I think they spelled it like this... THIS IS GRATENESS. Was that on purpose? If so, good pun.

Brownlow 2012: As If Ablett Deserved Votes In That Losing Game. Oh He Had 53 Touches. Who Cares.

Back to the fucking football.

Round 8 and Pendles gets his 11th. Jobe Watson leading on 14. Stanton 13.

Round 9 and we get this fantastic footage of a sign falling on Travis Cloke.

Demetriou refuses to slow the fuck down. Stanton on 14. Watson on 17. It's looking like Essington first and second. But they're about to lose a shitload of games. Pendles on 12. Beams gets his 4th. I have stupid money on Swan and Beams. It's not going to happen.

Which reminds me. Isn't it refreshing that this telecast hasn't been interrupted by a bunch of betting updates.

Shit. Spoke too soon. A TAB ad update thing. Very annoying.

Round 10 and it's Brett Kirk doing the voiceover. It's nothing like this because his hair is different.

Watson moves to 19 votes. That's quite a lead on Stanton and Pendles. Ablett gets 3 votes for his 53 possession game against Collingwood. That's what the umpires thought. The rest of the world thought Daisy Thomas easily had the better game. I did. One of Ablett's team mates shoved a table 53 sign in front of Ablett during the reading out of the votes. Pricks.

Round 11. Watson onto 20. Beams onto 7 and Swan on 11.

I'm still angry about Ablett getting the 3 votes in round 10.

Brownlow 2012: 20 Minutes of Channel 7 Commentators Interviewing Each Other

Back after the break and Cameron Ling interviews Matthew Richardson and Brian Taylor. Then we move to an edited bit of Brian Taylor interviewing Matthew Richardson and a bunch of Channel 7 contracted players who are strapped to a lie detector.

Hey BT! Ask me a question! Ask me a question!

BT: Do viewers love it when Channel 7 commentators interview and share private jokes together?

ME: We hate it BT! We hate you all BT! Even Richo!

Fuckwits.

Brownlow 2012: There You Go.

This is not Josh Kennedy's Columbian girlfriend. There you go. 

Round 6. Dayne Beams gets his first votes. Dane Swan nowt. Ablett? Nowt. Someone called Rory Sloane gets his 6th vote. Demetriou gets to say ARR NAHAS for the first time. This is going way way way too fast.

Round 7. Brian Taylor does the voice over the montage thing. I loved BT as a player but he's really giving me the shits as a commentator. Especially after his hand in the Leon Davis balls up over the preseason.

The Sunts won their first game this round. I don't care. And Ablett got no votes. Richmond's Cotchin gets his first 3 votges. Swan moves to 8 with Pendles. Yes, I barrack for Collingwood. I don't care too much about the rest. Jobe Watson at the lead, a record 13 votes. He looks nervous.

Now an interview with some Sydney players via satellite in the Sydney rooms. Remember when they used to always cross over to Paul Roos via satellite from a different country every year? Oh. Basil Zempelis is interviewing a Josh Kennedy's Columbian girlfriend. Very very cringeworthy. And Bruce tells us that they met during the shooting of a TV ad, pronouncing "THERE YOU GO"

Who would have thunk it?

There you go.

Brownlow 2012: You All Know It's Rigged Don't You?

The Swisse Best Dressed Red Carpet Winner yesterday.

Round 3. I remember it well. The pain of getting flogged by Carlton. Judd gets his 6th vote. I hope he gets most votes and loses. Ablett gets his third 3 votes in a row. So rigged. He might get 50 votes if this keeps up. Not might, will.

"I'm stoked," he tells Cameron Ling. It's already embarrassing.

Round 4 and Israel Folou's first goal in footy gets on the highlight reel. Gary Ablett stuffs his leg this round. Jobe Watson onto 8. Dane Swan no votes. Despite thousands of people yelling into the TV, Demetriou won't slow down.

Is it round 5 or 6? I'm dizzy. I'm confused. Luke Darcy referred to a mark as a "catch". Dunderhead. ANZAC Day game. Swan gets best on ground. It was the most dominant best on ground I've seen since his coach played. Dangerfield gets his first 3 votes. Ablett is still on 9 votes.

This year the red carpet shit competition is called the Swisse Red Carpet Swisse Best Dressed Whatever. Don't know what vitamins have to do with frocks.

Neither do I care.

Brownlow 2012: Football's Night Of Nights Pt 1

Me, yesterday.

So away we go. Everyone's favorite night of watching footballers drink while listening to a bloke chant a bunch of numbers at the screen. It's boring. It's shithouse. And of course, it's the best TV ever.

And without further ado, Mick Malthouse reads something they wrote about Round 1 with Kiss playing in the background.

Demetriou starts reading. Really fast. Buddy has three votes. Simon Black gets three. Gary Ablett gets three votes. He's already winning. This is rigged. I'm already angry.

Round 2 and Cameron Ling reads stuff about what happened to a dance music soundtrack. Judd gets three. Jobe Watson gets his fourth. Dane Swan gets his first three votes. Slow down Demetriou. Ablett gets three votes again. It's fucking rigged.

Mark of the year montage. Gobsmacking marks. About 100 of them. Maybe more. Aww!! What mark!!! Awww!!! Awww!!!

It's only 8:28pm. Two rounds and a montage. So fast. But something will happen like an interview or a thousand crosses to sponsors and we'll be still watching this past midnight.