NAB Advertise On Pirate Download Site

I'm told the best place to find pirated music, software, movies and TV shows on the net is Mininova. I wouldn't know if it's true because downloading stuff is naughty and illegal.

So I'm checking out Mininova for 'research' and what do I see? A big, fat NAB sidebar and smaller topbar advertisement, talking up a new credit card. Here's the link the ad points to.

Needless to say, the nuff nuff who placed the ad with the, I think US based, bit torrent site will have themselves an unpleasant couple of days at the office when a bigger site like Crikey find out about this.

Either that or the NAB fully condone and encourage music and software piracy.

Nightwatchman Goes Video-ey

Wes Anderson, you know Tennanbaums, Life Aquatic, Bottle Rocket etc has just made a witty new American Express TV ad.

In a Nightwatchman first (thanks to You Tube), here it is!

Oh Dear, Here Come's The Bride!

Last Saturday, I was at a top mate's wedding. Priest late. Very late. Nervy groom approaches. "Glenn, could you do me a big favour? The priest's not going to show up. Reckon you could you marry us?"

"Um. Yeah, why not. You got vows?"

"Nah, I'm sure you can make some up."

"Sure. Give me five minutes. Got a pen?"

So I'm up there with the groom. Ready to go. The bride's about to come in to a nice old Stems song. Family from all over the country. Friends. Lots of people. All in suits. This is a real wedding folks.

Pause.

You know how I got the pen? I wrote nothing on that bit of paper.

Bride coming and in RUNS the priest.

Nobody said nothing. I politely step off the stage.

I did hear a "Thank Christ!" but the more I think about it, it was probably me.

Both bride and groom enjoyed the ceremony but were pissed the priest actually showed up to do his job.

I still don't know what their vows would have been if I had've done it.

Dad's Trophy

Dad's Trophy, originally uploaded by glennpeters.

A little known tidbit about my dad is that in the olden days he won this trophy.

Yesterday I asked about the fish and he said nobody knew what it was. He was going to take it to the museum for further examination but his dad had already fried it up.

Word is, the fish tasted teriffic.

Alexander Downer The Poet

Foriegn Minister Alexander Downer's performance last week at the Cole Inquiry reads more like a monologue from a Samuel Beckett play. This big chunk was put together and published in yesterday's Crikey.

"It could have been It may have been I don't specifically recall I can't precisely remember I don't recall I don't recall I couldn't rule out It is possible I don't know I'm not sure I have only a very distant recollection I don't recall I don't think I did I'm pretty sure I didn't make a note I don't recall I could have done I don't recall it I don't recall I simply do not recall

I would have made a note of it and been quite focused I might have turned out to be wrong I don't recall I don't recall I don't recall I don't recall I wouldn't use that language I don't remember precisely It didn't mean anything to me It doesn't mean anything to me I wouldn't recognise him Nothing at all I don't read the summaries unless I'm stuck on a plane I have no idea I have no idea I can't recall I gave no such direction I don't recall I didn't make any notes I just don't recall I can't answer that question I can't recall my state of mind

I don't recall I simply do not recall I do not recall I can't quite find the place I don't recall I simply do not recall I don't recall I don't recall I don't recall I'd have to reflect on that

I don't recall I don't recall I'm not sure I don't know I don't recall It is sketchy very sketchy I can't tell you I wasn't aware There is so much intelligence It's a very major challenge to deal with intelligence I have no recollection of it I just can't recall it at all I have no recollection I have no recollection Information flows appear to be very imperfect I was not aware

I don't know I don't know I can't recall I'm not aware I can't recall I don't know I don't recall I assumed I don't recall We had no knowledge I can't specifically recall I can't recall

I just can't specifically recall It's very difficult to recall I'm not sure that I'm not sure I wasn't sure I can't specifically recall I don't recall I don't know I can't say I just don't know

I don't have any specific recollection I'm not aware I wasn't aware I had no knowledge I wasn't aware I wasn't aware I wasn't aware I just can't recall."

* Quotes compiled by Hal Judge and listed in the order in which they were uttered.

If you loved this it's probably time to pick up a subscription to Crikey. There's going to be more hilarity in the coming weeks.

1757 I Know Nuffinks

Crikey have put together this list of how many times witnesses to the AWB Iraq kickback inquiry have answered questions with phrases like, “I can't recall”, “not to my knowledge”, “I don't know”, “I'm not across that detail”, “I'm not sure”, “I'm not certain” and “not that I'm aware of”.

John Howard, Prime Minister of Australia – 2 times at least (subject to transcript)
Mark Vaile, Deputy PM and Trade Minister – 44 times
Alexander Downer, Minister for Foreign Affairs – 62 times
Andrew Lindberg, Managing Director of AWB – 733 times
Trevor Flugge, Chairman AWB – 201 times
Michael Long, General Manager, AWB International Sales and Marketing Division – 138 times
Peter Geary, Domestic and Global Trading International Sales and Marketing, Risk Management – 275 times
Paul Ingleby, CFO AWB – 30 times
Charles Stott, Marketing Chief AWB – 24 times
Ian Donges, International Chairman AWB – 74 times
Richard Fuller, Company Secretary and Director AWB – 37 times
Jim Cooper, Counsel and Company Secretary AWB – 94 times
Brendan Stewart, Chairman AWB – 43 times

Destined To A Life Of Pungent Pizza

Me and a mate thought we'd go to Anthony and Sav Rocca's Carlton pizza restaurant and order takeaway last weekend.

It was because of our visit to Anthony's pizza house, he kicked those eight goals. Had nothing to do with the dud kid who was on him or even the Pies' excellent kicking to the big man. Rocca's success was completely due to those stinking pizzas.

For the good of the club I have to eat from there every week.

I'm not sure my stomach will take it.

For the complete gory details, visit Victoria Park.

Whatchya Been Listening To Lately?

Coco Rosie
Noah's Ark
Girly friends of Antony & The Johnsons. Gobsmackingly different. Tastes good but.

The Best Of Billie Holiday
In the two months I've had it, my Ipod tells me at 17 plays, Solitude has been the most played song of the 7773 songs on the thing.

The Rolling Stones
Their Satanic Majesties Request
You probably bought a copy when you first saw it at a market because of its cool psychedelic cover. Now give it a big listen. Genius.

The Elected
Sun, Sun, Sun
Rilo Kiley guitarist, Blake Sennet's other band. Almost exactly like listening to Rilo Kiley but this time with a bloke lead singer. Pretty and witty songs throughout.

Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazelwood
Lightning's Girl
We all know and love These Boots Are Made For Walking but it's the dark songs in this Aussie only compilation like Sand, Some Velvet Morning and Sundown Sundown which make this stunning listening. Lee Hazelwood designed his own website. Ahem.

Bonnie Prince Billy
Master & Everyone
Can't get enough of him.

Lift To Experience
The Texas Jerusalem Crossroads
Almighty double album nobody bought when it came out a few years ago. A true concept album by sons of hard nosed Texas preachers. Singer, Josh Pearson disappeared for years after the recording and has only surfaced in the last few months playing some ridiculously bombastic solo shows supporting The Dirty Three in London. A Meredith visit perhaps?

Nick Murphy
Breaking The Light
He may be a mate but heck this is a beautiful album. You know him as the tall and shiny bloke in The Anyones. Make sure you catch the record launch next weekend.

My Bloody Valentine
Loveless
Still fresh and stirring me old heart after so many years. If I had a band right now this is what I'd hope it would sound like.

The Smiths
The Queen Is Dead
As close to perfection a record can ever hope to get. Recorded 20 years ago! Johnny Marr's piece in The Independent is well worth a printout.

Refused
The Shape Of Punk To Come
The hardcore antidote to the nancy stuff I usually listen to. One of the greatest punk albums ever recorded.

What's The Deal With Mariah's Dog Bath?

Way back in 2001, I mentioned this wonderful little photo of Mariah Carey bathing with her dog.

In the past week, dozens of Americans have flocked to The Nightwatchman to oggle at the photo.

Why the sudden interest?

Has the dog embarked on a solo career?

Have the diva and dog eloped?

Please tell me. I need to know.

Victoria Park Is Back

"Fresh teams like Adelaide are fast indoors. Get them out in the wind and the rain outside at the MCG (do they have the pleasure of playing there this year?) and they're kanoodling nobodies. The Pies looked best when they ran hard and loose. Sure, watching our kooky brand of footy was like watching the General Lee scamper from Boss Hog and his minions but who cares. I want Daisy Duke to pop out midway through the third quarter and kick a few. Was that you, Taz?"

My Collingwood site, Victoria Park is back from its pre-season attitude training camp in Arizona.

Kick long!

Phoney Terrorist Mania: Man Held For Singing Along With The Clash In Taxi

According to today's Age, British anti-terrorist detectives escorted a man from a plane after a taxi driver had earlier become suspicious when the poor bloke started singing along to The Clash's London Calling in a taxi on the way to the airport.

The 24 year old, Harraj Mann was held for questioning and later released under Britain's easily abused Terrorism Act- the same act which had an elderly heckler ejected from a Labor conference for yelling out, "Piffle!"

Lyrics which may have deeply disturbed the paranoid taxi driver include, "Now war is declared" and "Engines stop running, but I have no fear, cause London is burning and I live by the river."

This is all very reminiscent of the school band who were questioned for seditious intention for playing Bob Dylan's Masters of War.

I love singing along loudly to both songs. I'm so going to get nicked.

Image from The Hartlepool Mail.

The Best Looking Newspaper On The Web

Newspaper layout blog, Newsdesigner.com points us to the The New York Times' nifty new website redesign.

While The Age's recent redesign is admirable, it's still enslaved by crappy advertising and animated picture bars.

Reading articles off the monitor is hard enough without a bouncing bank ad banging away at the right hand side of screen.

When are advertising and website designers going to get it into their skulls that flashing ad bars are incredibly irritating and a turn off to people who've been sitting at their computer monitors for the past four hours?

A good ad is a good idea. The best ideas don't need to flash to grab your attention. These ads only flash or bounce for the sake of it. A well executed ad doesn't need to bounce around like one of those kids you see every second day on Tracy Grimjaw's show to make it any more effective.

There's no moving parts at the New York Times. It's merely a very well layed out newspaper sticky taped to your computer screen, only harder to take to read on the loo.

I'm going to see my praise and raise it a few dollars. Here goes... I'm so impressed with the New York Times website, I reckon it's one of the best lookin' websites out there.

Disney Schmisney, Go Bakshi!

If there's one article you read on the net this lunchtime, you gotta make it animator, Stephen Worth's wonderful tribute to big crazy daddy cartoon king, Ralph Bakshi.

Bakshi is the mad bloke behind Fritz the Cat, Heavy Traffic, Coonskin and the original (and best) Spiderman cartoons.

What makes this tribute all super special is the big bunch of doodles Worth saved from Bakshi's bin during when both were working on Cool World and Ren & Stimpy's Adult Party Cartoon.

There's also a huge pile of stuff on Bakshi's official website.

What I Know To Help You Win At Scrabble

Get ahead, stay ahead.
Melbourne scrabble guru, Geoff Wright chants these words most games he plays. Even if your opponent plays DOG for 12 points, make it your only mission to play CAT for 14 points.

ALWAYS resist having more than one of the same letter in your rack, ALWAYS.
No exceptions, even if you have two S's. Get rid of one because if you pick up another, it'll take three goes to get rid of them.

Good tiles are like fish. They can go bad.
Hold on to the Q for three moves, waiting to pick up a blank to make a bingo and meanwhile your opponent plays three dumb looking words and has made a 70 point break on you.

Resist the staircase.
When you play little words to stick around the double word score tiles, the board starts to resemble a staircase. This closes the board real quick. If you're behind, it's hard to catch up and if you're ahead it's hard to post your best ever score.

Learn words.
There's quite a few good books out there. Good scrabble buddy, Andrew Fisher wrote a brilliant one called How To Win At Scrabble which is available at yer local bookshop. He also put me on to downloading the fun word game training program, Lexpert.

Make it a house rule to play with the two letter word sheet which comes with the game open for everyone to see. It speeds up play and helps a boring game end before the late movie starts. Here's one if you don't have a copy and here's a big page of other word lists.

Good words to know. QI, QAT, QAID, SUQ, EUOI, KOA, KOI, AA, AE, AIA, REV, TAV, VAV, JO, ZO, AZO, DZO, AZON, ZEK, ZEL.

Click here to read all my scrabble stories. You may learn some more....