Friday, June 27, 2014

All The Luis Suarez Jokes I've Come Up With In The Past 48 Hours.

Luis Suarez, yesterday.
I've had so much fun with this.

Here they are. All of them in one bite sized blog post. Some of them I'm proud of, others not so. I'll add more as they come to mind.

What's for dinner tonight Luis Suarez? 
What, pasta? Pizza?
"No. Italians."

Luis Suarez banned from entering any football ground for four months. In the meantime, he plans to get his opposition defenders home delivered.

Luis Suarez banned for 9 courses.

Q) What does Luis Suarez call the Italian players he didn't bite? 
A) Leftovers.

Suarez samples the finest Italian shoulder ham.

Italy. Once bitten. Twice shy.

Uruguay have made it to the second course of the World Cup.

'I put a lot of love into my shoulder. It was my grandmother's recipe,' Giorgio Chiellini explains.

What Liverpool really wanted was for ASADA to be investigating the case. They wouldn't have a decision well until the second year of his Barcelona contract.

'Strawberries and cream not exactly my thing': Suarez quashes Wimbledon appearance rumours.

"See all those goals for Liverpool and Uruguay? I kicked all those goals. But nobody calls me Luis Suarez, the goal kicker. But BITE THREE PEOPLE..."

'Lacked seasoning': Suarez furious about Chiellini's cold shoulder treatment.

To most players, a beautifully weighted ball hovering over a flat footed centre back's shoulder is a goal opportunity, but for Suarez, it's lunch.

The Canni-ball of God.

Liverpool fans defending Suarez have a chip bitten out of their shoulder.

Most people worry about eating raw meat because of salmonella. For Suarez, it's how many games he's going to miss.

Q) Where did flight MH370 go? 
A) Luis Suarez ate it.

Q) What do you get when you cross a mad Uruguayan goal genius and a prime piece of Italian shoulder? 
A) A nine international match suspension and a four month ban from all football related activity.

Luis Suarez ate my homework.


Luis Suarez, James Hird and Rolf Harris walk into a bar. Barman says, "Guys. I'm really scared about where this joke is heading so we're closed."

Would you like to see the menu, Mr Suarez? 'No thanks.' And would you like to see the wine list, Mr Carney?' No thanks.

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