Thursday, November 16, 2006

Laugh At Your Local Family First Candidate

For those who came in late, Family First are a new Australian political party run by a bunch of clueless and conservative god-botherers.

While they have the cash to run a candidate in every seat, they don't quite have the talent. Their federal senator, Steve Fielding has struggled with his power in difficult decisions like the recent vote on the new cross media laws. His reasoning behind passing the legislation was widely seen as wishy washy and inept.

The guff on my local candidate, Peter Lake's mail-out and website makes Fielding look impressive. Here's some highlights.
"I am a proud family man and father of three children living in Glen Waverley."
So your children live in Glen Waverley but where do YOU live? Doesn't the husband living away from the children contradict your party's definition of family?
"I am honoured to be the FAMILY FIRST Candidate for the seat of Scoresby."
Ah, you live down the road in Scoresby! Oh, and "Candidate" isn't a proper noun. Probably a good time for me to link to the party's wishy washy education policy.

Blah blah blah and a few more annoying grammatical errors later, Lake jumps in with his first attempt at a witty politician's turn of phrase....
"I will also be campaigning hard against tolls! Families are paying a high toll in mental health, a high toll in gambling and a high toll in drug use."
That hurt my mind. Let's read some of Lake's personal profile.
Proud family man. Married to Fiona with three children - Aged 11, 10 & 7.
With 36 mentions of the word "family" on your one page flier, you really didn't need to point out you're a "proud" family man again.
"I am passionate about family values (yawn). While proud of my work, my proudest acievement is my own family, my wife Fiona and my three kids."
He repeats the sentiment a few more times and then shoves his fist down our throats and gives our tonsils a good ol' fingering...
"I really believe the heroes of Australia are its mums and dads. They have the toughest job of all: raising children. And they deserve all the help and support they can get."
Enough! Tell us what you do for a crust.
26 year career in IT and telecommunications, vast experience in project management, confident public speaker, gifted (tenor) vocalist, published amateur astronomer.
Yes, you read it right. Not only is he a "confident public speaker", Peter Lake is a gifted (tenor) vocalist. Hey Peter, you should sing tenor. Ten or twenty miles away!

Look. Politics on all levels is a serious fucking deal. Parliament isn't a place for amateurs and simpletons. Let's keep it that way.

I'll leave you with Lake's resume answer to the question, What experience do I have in politics?
Absolutely none, and I think that's an advantage. I am a service delivery manager and that's what Scoresby families need - better services.
And better candidates.

3 comments:

Glenn said...

News just in from yesterday's Herald Sun!!

FORMER boy band member and Australian Idol back-up singer Gary Pinto has joined the Victorian Family First party, to contest the Lower House seat of Prahran.

But Australian Idol commitments could mean the singer might not even make it back to his electorate to vote on election day.

Mr Pinto was only added as a candidate on the Family First website recently, after electoral nominations closed last week.

But Family First spokesman Cameron Eastman said Mr Pinto was not available to the media because of his reality TV schedule.

"Gary is heavily involved in the Australian Idol final," Mr Eastman said. But the Australian Idol final is on Sunday, November 26 -- the day after the election.

Mr Eastman said Mr Pinto was in Sydney until the Australian Idol final.

Mr Pinto was in Melbourne band CDB in the 1990s, and had the hit Let's Groove.


Thanks Jack for the tip off!

Alison said...

I had a moment of weakness last night and agreed to a phone interview for The Age re the state election. It was conducted by a Qld group, so they couldn't help me figure out which party was promoting free PT for students. (See how well campaigning works?)
Somewhere in there, in all my trying-to-sort-out-the-slung-mud efforts, I asked if she could add that I
a) am voting for the Greens by default,
b) resent the stonking lack of ethics in the Labour and Liberal campaigns and
c) find it hard to separate the shit into their amazingly-similar buckets these days.
Or words to that effect.
I'm in my late 20s, with a care factor of about 6; so you know, reading the first half of articles. How the hell they're going to get Generations Y and Me to give a fuck, I don't know.

Sorry, this prolly shoulda been on my blog...

kk said...

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