Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Bill Grainger's Mysterious Reducing Hair Trauma

Sydney celebrity chef, Bill Grainger disturbs me.

His books and cooking shows check out. Bit prancy but mostly easy to follow recipes. Saw him live at one of those cooking shows. He did scrambled eggs. Use cream, butter and a hot pan. Don't muck around. Fry eggs quick, flip and get the hell out. Good advice.

Nope, there's nothing wrong with Bills (his books and restaurants don't use an apostrophe) cooking.

It's Bills hair that winds me up.

Bills paranoid about balding. Pick up any of his books, look at the photos and I'll guarantee you won't see the top of his head. The shot is either from a strange upwards angle, from behind, in a strange light, far away or even cropped at the forehead, chopping off the top of his head altogether.

Watch his cooking shows and the same thing happens. He comes across onscreen as almost effete but sheesh, he must run his shoots with anger a la Monsieur Mick Malthouse.

"If you so much as show a teaspoon sized bit of my bald spot I will shove this spatula so far down your cakehole you'll be ordering porridge everyday until first day of cherry season!"


Nina said...

A narcissistic control-freak chef? Never!

I'm more annoyed that he thinks apostrophes don't apply to him. The food belongs to Bill, therefore it is Bill's. You are never too famous or too bald to show a little respect to your mother tongue.

Anonymous said...

and what is with the white tshirts? always in freakin white tshirts. I get the feeling he looked the same when he was three. Mind you, they are the best scrambled eggs EVER - even better than nigel slaters. and that's saying something...

Glenn said...

Bills definately no Tony Bourdain. Now there's a guy who knows when to wear a white t-shirt.

Here's some related tv/movie quotes I prepared earlier. Pick all four and you've most likely been out on the turps with my lot, way way late a few nights....

He's very clean.

So crack open a nice cold Bud Light, manhandler of the scrambler.

While I get back to my eggs.

Hotdogs for sale. Where? Where? Hotdogs for sale. But where? But where? Over there by the beef burgers.