My Gift To Your Inner Self

Now I'm god-like.

Here's my gift to you.

Like Melanie Griffith, when I have questions in my life I look to my inner conscience for answers.

Below is one letter I use:

Dear Inner Self,
If it is your will, please reveal to me in a dream tonight the secret of Melanie Griffith's success in order to become closer to you. If you can't come up with that, a dirty dream starring a pre-plastic surgery Melanie Griffith and an adolescent giraffe will suffice.

With love and respect,
-Glenn

And here's a letter I've prepared for you to use:

Dear Inner Self,
If it is your will, please reveal to me in a dream tonight the positive way (circle one or more): I can deal with one way conversations; piles; cold sores; gastric malfunction; whining checkout kids; Liza Birmingham's official biography of Guy Sebastian; any alcoholic beverage mixed with Coke; skid marks; Amanda Vanstone's stinking fingers; Olympic swimmers; overdue fees; the lack of clean public toilets at my local shops, in order to become closer to you.

If you can't come up with that, a dirty dream starring a pre-plastic surgery Melanie Griffith and an adolescent giraffe will suffice.

With love and respect,
(Insert your name)