Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Vale Robert Goulet: Messing With Our Stuff To The Very End

Who do we blame now for messing with our stuff?

Ian "Turps" Turpey?

Also does it mean they're still going to make Goulet SnoozeBars now the great man is gone? I'm down to my last case.

Make sure you visit "the comfy velvet home" of Goulet SnoozeBars where you run your mouse pointer over his face and he says something hilarious.

My favorite:
"Hickory Dickory Dock. Eat my bar and pass out."
And the "product demo" is the FUNNIEST THING I'VE SEEN ON THE NET THIS YEAR.

I'm crying.

With laughter.

Hey Booster!

Last Friday night into Saturday morning, I spent almost five hours at the Melbourne Festival's version of John Cage's Musicircus, watching a lot of music, posturing and dance.


As a rule, I CAN'T STAND dance. I'd rather eat my own earwax than go to the ballet and as far as those dancing TV shows go... well get fucked. But I got chatting to a nice dancer who didn't seem like a fruit loop that night, so I thought it was only fair to give the artform, dance one more chance.


Most the performances on the night were of the disturbingly writhing on the floor variety. You've seen what I'm talking about before probably late on a Sunday night on the ABC. Tights, muscles and dry rooting, much like the carpark after The Geelong Cup but substitute God Is A Slob Like One Of Us with Music For Airports.

But nothing at Musicircus came close to tap's Waughs, The Nicholas Brothers, THE COOLEST SIBLINGS EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.

Introduced with smooth gusto (if there was such a thing), by Cab Calloway, here's The Nicholas Brothers' RIDICULOUSLY GOBSMACKING Jumpin' Jive routine from the 1943 film, Stormy Weather.

Fred Astaire had the same reaction as I did years ago when I first saw it saying it was "the best dance number ever filmed."

I wonder what ol' Fred would have thought of the dance I saw at 2am involving the um... no, I won't go into it.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Kinky Friedman Says It Best

Seeing that the Herald Sun dedicated their first six pages yesterday to Crazy John's death I think it's only fair to talk about my mate, Polly some more.

Day three of my tribute to the best cat ever is a reprint of the epilogue to Kinky Friedman's Elvis, Jesus and Coca Cola, where he, in real life, not his character, mourns the passing of his best mate, Cuddles.

On January 4, 1993, the cat in this book and the books that preceded it was put to sleep in Kerrville, Texas, by Dr. W.H. Hoegemeyer and myself. Cuddles was fourteen years old, a respectable age. She was as close to me as any human being I have ever known.

Cuddles and I spent many years together, both in New York, where I first found her as a little kitten on the street in Chinatown, and later on the ranch in Texas. She was always with me, on the table, on the bed, by the fireplace, beside the typewriter, on top of my suitcase when I returned from a trip.

I dug Cuddles' grave with a silver spade, in the little garden by the stream behind the old green trailer where both of us lived in the summertime. Her burial shroud was my old New York sweatshirt and in the grave with her is a can of tuna and a cigar.

A few days ago I received a sympathy note from Bill Hoegemeyer, the veterinarian. It opened with a verse by Irving Townshend: "We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle..."

Now, as I write this, on a gray winter day by the fireside, I can almost feel her light tread, moving from my head and my heart down through my fingertips to the keys of the typewriter. People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

They say when you die and go to heaven all the dogs and cats you've ever had in your life come running to meet you.

Until that day, rest in peace, Cuddles

FEBRUARY 5, 1993

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Pussy Profile: WPC Polly Page


Full Name: WPC Polly Page (WPC stands for Woman Pussy Cat)
Lives: Surrey Hills, Melbourne
Occupation: Cat
Hobbies: Birds, sleeping, sticks, ping-pong balls, bags (all types) and slot cars.
Favorite Food: Chicken necks, sweet potato and anything still living
Favorite Movie: Singing in the Rain
Favorite Record: The Storytelling soundtrack by Belle & Sebastian
Favorite Colour: Pink
Who Would You Invite For The Perfect Dinner Party? David Bellamy, Barry (ex next-door neighbour), Donovan, June Ackland, Jim Carver and anyone else who loves bags.
In 5 Years You Will Be: Waking Glenn and Genevieve up.
Catch Phrase: Weeoo
Motto: Have a good time, all of the time.

Originally published in March 2005.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Goodbye Polly. The Best Cat Ever. 2001 - 2007.

Polly was hit by a car and died this morning.

We buried her under the dry dirt and weed nest she would lie in on a warm summer's afternoon.

Goodbye Polly.

Top 25 Songs Played On My Ipod 2007

1. Train Song - Tom Waits
2. Sunswept Melody - Duke Ellington
3. Foolish Love - Rufus Wainwright
4. I'll Come Running - Brian Eno
5. None But The Rain - Townes Van Zandt
6. Colorado Girl - Townes Van Zandt
7. The Big Ship - Brian Eno
8. Lullaby For Christie - The Dirty Three
9. Cold Cold Ground - Tom Waits
10. Introduction - Nick Drake
11. There's A Rugged Road - Judee Sill
12. Jesus Was A Crossmaker - Judee Sill
13. Natasha - Rufus Wainwright
14. Northern Sky - Nick Drake
15. More Than Rain - Tom Waits
16. To Live's To Fly - Townes Van Zandt
17. Jumping At The Woodside - Duke Ellington & Count Basie
18. Badi Da - Fred Neil
19. Hazey Jane II - Nick Drake
20. Please Wake Me Up - Tom Waits
21. No Lonesome Tune - Townes Van Zandt
22. For The Sake Of The Song - Townes Van Zandt
23. Three variations On The Canon In D Major - Brian Eno
24. I Am The Cosmos - Nick Drake Chris Bell
25. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes - Kurt Elling

From a possible 9098 songs, this miserable list isn't too different to last year's Top 20.

I've had to compile the list a couple months early because I'm changing my Ipod over to a new computer.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Chaser's Eulogy Song

Here it is if you didn't catch it on all the outraged commercial media yesterday.

Real satire: spiky, smart, piss funny and dangerous.

Monday, October 15, 2007

What's Hot: Myf. What's Not: Tunny.

It sure make makes me and the rest of the village irregulars stupidly proud hearing about our mate, Myf's new gig at Triple M. More exciting, she's moving back home to Melbourne.

But really, it's getting real strange reading articles like Can the Myf factor work on the dark side? in yesterday's Sunday Age.

It was indeed a perplexing article, starting with a quote from um.... Michael Tunn. TUNNY! Remember Tunny? He was I don't know the youngest kid to have a syndicated national radio gig back in what, 1990 or something. Then got the flick, got fat and moved to Adelaide. I could be wrong. Don't care.

I do remember Tunny copping a lot of flack way back then when he was almost a household name. Now he spends his time giving it out in his one man quest against Triple J and anything else on the FM dial he isn't peddling.

Bitter Tunny's still in touch with the yoof cos he's been learning from the Idol judges how to dish out a backhanded compliment, telling The Age:

"As an ex-Austereo programmer, I'm finding this decision a little hard to understand," says Michael Tunn, who also spent 10 years at Triple J. He's a huge fan of Warhurst (indeed, it's impossible to find anyone who isn't) but he is not a fan of the commercial network.

Decipher this awful little backhander from the Tunn:
"You're walking into an organisation of massive egos where the programmers turn strategy meetings into large pissing contests," Tunn says. "And they follow a pseudo-science driven by those meetings, research and focus groups like the Bible. If the focus group says 'I don't like Myf's laugh', the program director will say — as nicely as possible — 'Could you stop laughing Myf?'. At Triple J she was more or less free to be Myf. Commercial radio will expect Myf to 'fill a role'."
Yep, back in the 90's Tunny was a radio darling. Now he just comes across as a bitter old cunt.

Tunny also takes our Myf for a fool.
"There is a margin in the ratings where Austereo will have patience, but if Myf thinks they'll be comfortable under 5 per cent she's in for a rude shock."
I'll leave my reaction to Nan Taylor.




Top work and good luck, Myf. We'll have the celebratory psychedelic vindaloo at Gaylords. Table for six, booked under the name of Brian Peacock. Can't wait.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

The Nightwatchman's Fabulous Movie Quiz

Reckon you know whose nose this is?

See if you're right by taking The Nightwatchman's Fabulous Movie Quiz!

Monday, October 08, 2007

If This Music Video Was A T-Shirt I'd Wear It For The Whole Weekend

They Made Frogs Smoke 'til They Exploded by Iceland blip'n'blop'n'pop band Múm. The video is gorgeously directed and animated by Ingibjörg Birgisdóttir who also designs their record covers.

Bearforce 1: The Greatest Boy Band Yet?

Meet Yuri, Robert, Peter, Ian and Eddi of pop music's new sensation, Bearforce 1.

From their Myspace page:
"Bearforce 1 is the world’s, or at least Europe’s, first true ‘bear band’. They met each other while on holiday in New York in the summer of 2006. It’s there they discovered they had something in common: a passion for singing and performing. And they thought it would be fantastic to have a boy band that didn’t consist of smooth, polished 18 year-old boys with ‘X- factor’ written all over them, but just 4 guys…with hair, who just want to make a fun night of it."
I hope there's truth behind the rumours they may represent Holland in next year's Eurovision Song Contest.

But I seriously doubt the rumours that Bearforce 1 are homosexuals.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

My close friends complain I have too many 'favorite ever' things. They may be right but here's a few of them.

The baked beans scene from Blazing Saddles. Nothing's funnier.

In the words of Butthead from Beavis and Butthead, I've seen frogs come and go but this has to be the coolest frog ever.

C'etait un Rendezvous. Filmed early morning in Paris in the 60's, and at a little over nine minutes, this could be the greatest car film ever made.

Reeves & Mortimer do Mulligan and O'Hare. The first time I ever saw this I laughed so much, I almost shat. You won't.

Psycho Killer by Talking Heads from their movie, Stop Making Sense. David Byrne was the coolest man on the planet when they filmed this. He may still be.

I think about these beautiful opening credits to The Third Man at least once a week and have been since I saw the film at The Lumiere about fifteen years ago. Yes, it could be my favorite ever film.

Tom Waits' Innocent When You Dream. Easily my favorite song.