Friday, February 22, 2002

Rules of Thumb by The West Virginia Surf Report.

-A person who wears a belt with shorts is probably religious.
-If a person says he enjoys the opera, that person is a liar.
-If the outside of the CD has the word "Zappa" on it, you're going to be disappointed by the music inside.
-If the video box shows a beautiful woman pointing a gun, the movie is shit.
-If the flyer shows the band standing on the railroad tracks, the band is shit.
-If a person says, "Go look in the sink" - don't.
-The day a person goes to the store to buy a book of word-search puzzles marks the beginning of the long, slow decline to death.
-Women with homemade tattoos on their hands don't know shit about Graham Greene.
-A drunk fat woman is louder than The Who.
-If you make fun of Kevin Bacon too much, your nose will stay that way.
-If the letters PhD appear after a person's name, that person will remain outdoors even after it's started raining.
-Celebrity overdoses are all the more tragic because the person was always right on the verge of getting their life turned around.
-Nobody cares about the weird dream you had last night.
-You CAN judge a book by its cover.
-If you open a shit cafe in a trendy neighborhood, people will line up with money in their hands begging to eat shit.
-People who say, "Whoa, I'm not even going to touch that one!!" can't think of anything clever to say.

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