Tuesday, September 24, 2002

Grand Final Tickets.

I need 2 grand final tickets.

I've missed 4 games in 9 years.

Go Pies.

Email me at glennpeters@hotmail.com or ring me (03) 8415 0049.


Update: I didn't get any and we lost.

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

Malone, Alone.

This is something I wrote for Beat about Gareth Malone. He's brilliant and you can buy or listen to his album at Cavalier Music.

At a bit over six foot, six inches, Canberra based singer songwriter, Gareth Malone could be the tallest working musician on earth. Phoar! But it’s not his height that makes him so fascinating, says long time fan and friend, Glenn Peters.

Gareth’s voice is so pure and can hit heights not even he can reach on tiptoes. Not only that, his songs come from a different place. Nobody knows the latitude, longitude or even altitude of this strange and beautiful place but we’d sure like to visit. If we did visit, we’d probably meet Freddie Mercury, Davie Bowie, Robbie Plant, Paulie Mc Cartney or Benny Harper looking for directions on our way. With his musical passion, rudimentary eating habits (its not unusual for him to eat a few kilos of bananas in a day), and uncanny talent, I regard Gareth as a true to life, rock’n’roll star.

But it’s not just me who fawns over the lightly spoken big bloke. A couple of years ago, reps from Mushroom were so gob smacked by his super theatrical live show, they quickly handed over cash to Gareth to record a demo with big time producer, Lyndsay Gravina (Living End, Spiderbait, Magic Dirt). Let Gareth tell the story. “We’ll have to stoke up the coals a little. Now make sure you’re comfortable. Alright, I was the lead singer in a band called Action and a representative from the Mushroom record company came to see us play. Foolishly enough, she was talked into supplying money for me to record a demo. It was called a demo recording.” Thanks Gareth.

Soon after recording the demo Malone dropped everything and moved to Canberra to go to University, to learn to sing properly. At first, the decision seemed strange to some but when you hear him now, you can really hear an incredible improvement. But the study didn’t last long. The format didn’t suit him so he left to sing with some Canberra based jazz groups to “make a living.”

Later he “had a great lesson with one of the world’s great jazz singers.” I didn’t even know that. Tell us more. “I had a master class and a private lesson with him and it changed things a little.”

And who was this great jazz singer?
“Kurt Elling.”

What did you learn from him?
“He just sorted me out on a few things, helping me understand what I am doing. The interesting thing was the period of research. It wasn’t structured. I would study in my own time and work at it. Where ever I was I would singing and whenever I could I would be listening to repeated tape loops to perfect solos. It wasn’t formal.”

Where are you now?
“I have so much work to do. It’s going to take a long time. Maybe I’ll never finish studying. I’m constantly aware when I’m not working I should keep working on it. You wake up and say that today’s the day I’m going to work on this song.”

Malone is launching his unfathomable debut album, This Is It on Wednesday. Already, ABC and PBS radio DJ’s are raving about it. Why unfathomable? Well, heres a few of the genres I can think of, it crosses: from be-bop to soul, to blues, to rock, to jazz standards, to crazy Greek disco. Yeah, everywhere and nowhere we’ve been before. Far too good. Anyway, let’s get back to Q&A format….

How long did the album take to record? Years?
“It seemed like years. It’s true. Eons. You could trace the earliest bit back to 1998, the majority done in 2000 and the finishing bits were done in 2001. What’s that, God. Four years.”

I remember Super-Real and This Is It on your original demo.
“If you compare the songs with their demo versions, they alter considerably. Their arrangements and overdubbing really made them quite living. While parts of Super-Real were recorded over four years ago, the song was the last song I finished on the album. What an amazing thing. Every year I put an extra sound on it until I felt it was finished.”

Before playing with Action, I understand you had never really played music in public. The legend has it that you stunned everybody with an impromptu performance. Tell us about it.
“Yeah, this is great. Digging up the old graves. I think it was a performance for friends. I think there was an old piano there and I just started playing a few songs that I had written for a friend and it was quite theatrical. It probably stunned me too.”

And what were you doing artistically and professionally before that fateful night?
“Professionally I was a sound recordist, rocking off to factories and sporting events for news programs, recording different ways people spend their time. Artistically, I was writing my own songs. I had been since I was 22 when I borrowed my brother’s guitar and started trying to write music like I the music I had grown up to.”

And what was that?
“Passionate retellings of older styles. Of course there was 70’s rock’n’roll and jazz and whatever. All the artists I listened to were passionate about what they were doing like Led Zeppelin and Hendrix. They were giving new voice to old styles. By listening to them I could try to understand old styles.”

I’ve heard four or five completely different versions of Super-Real. There was one bit of it I really liked. Its gone now. Do your songs ever have a use by date or are you always working to tinker with them?
“That’s really interesting. That’s what I’m discovering right now. There are some songs that have died a million deaths and you can’t get them out of the grave anymore. They’re gone. And there are some songs, which are unattainable. They change every time you perform them. It hasn’t anything to do with me but more the relationship I have with the song. It’s a living entity.”

Is scatting the air guitar of jazz?
“Yes, spot on. It’s fun and it’s just shredding.”

For the watcher, air guitar can be pretty poor.
“I agree.”

Tell me about the Lambert, Hendricks and Ross (one of the great jazz vocal groups) song you do, Cloudburst.
“I heard it on one of their compilations. I heard it when I was in a studio for the first time. At the time I first heard it I had no idea I would make it part of my repertoire. The song rocked me and made me think that singing could be a completely different. I made a tape of it and learnt it off the tape. Its great fun to do and yeah, its like air guitar. It’s so fun to play with the band. We have a ball.”

The first time I heard you sing it was at night near a beach at near Batemans Bay. You killed me. It was like, fucking hell…
“I remember that. Did I shred?”

Yeah, it was like you were singing wheelies all over my front lawn. How can you love singing mad jazz stuff like that while also being a rock pig?
“Hmm… The vocalise, its called a vocalise what Hendricks was doing there, he wrote the words from a horn solo on a song he had grown up listening to. He made his voice sound like a trumpet while trumpet players were trying to make their trumpets sound like singers. I grew up listening to rock guitarists who were trying to make their guitars sound like horn sections or even voices. That’s it. That’s why you can cross over all kinds of music because you are listening to sounds that inspire you. It doesn’t matter what style you are listening to.”

Monday, September 16, 2002

Mayhem. Nobody Got Shot.

Hi Fi Bar & Ballroom

Apart from Collingwood, the ABC and the Detroit Red Wings, I barrack for Black Metal. It’s not like I listen to the stuff religiously. No I don’t kick back by putting on my favourite Bathory record on the stereo and fire up by stabbing to death a couple of poor bass players on Wellington Street. Burning churches isn’t my bag either. But I do like really bloody loud music. I admire guys who scream their guts out on stage. And I especially like my Black Metal to involve pigs heads and blokes to happily swim in blood. It’s all good stuff. I don’t even mind the satan finger sign, all metal kids lurrve. And I love Norway.

Had a Norwegian housemate once. His name was Trond. Trond was a top bloke but Black Metal from his homeland failed to give him any of that famous Norwegian wood. Pity. Me and Trond could have talked for hours about it. We didn’t. Oh well.

Mayhem are the most notorious of Norway’s Black Metal bands. Well, what’s left of them. Mayhem’s is the simple Black Metal story, a story so typical to many indie pop bands I won’t mention. You know the deal: line up changes, suicide, murder, bad bass players, electro music side projects (bad of course), murder, fights, isolation, jail, church burning, Nazi sympathies, blood, acne, domestic cat hunting, corpse paint, blokes called Aarseth, Hellhammer, Dead and Euronymous. Read Lords Of Chaos by Michael Moynihan and Didrik Soderlind to find out more. A top read.

Back to the metal. Unfortunately I couldn’t see any of the local support bands. Yeah, I was waiting on a mate to come back from a dubious prior engagement. Way after 11pm he pulls out (or should I say wimps out) and I have to go to see Mayhem by myself. Going to gigs without mates can be a bit hard and uninspiring but going out to a metal show can seem like a nightmare. But do you know what? It isn’t. Just like at Cradle of Filth last year, the Mayhem crowd were, while mean lookin’, quite a friendly bunch. I won’t say Mummy’s boys but I will say that quite a few looked like they fold their socks before putting them in the front drawer. There were quite a few black leather clad young ladies and yes, a couple screamed like in the olden days. “Look at Maniac. Nice facepaint. Great body!” Yep, I heard it. There were only a couple of fans who took the trouble to apply face paint. My fave was the guy who painted himself up in full corpse paint with the most incredible of Black Metal frowns I’ve ever seen. He didn’t even crack a grin when Mayhem played the all time fave anthem Pure Fucking Armageddon on encore. Poor guy. There were also a few men without any hair enjoying the show. I was watching one of them shooting out a hand signal which didn’t look too much like a goat’s head. I think it was either a “We need more on the fold back,” or a “He was this tall” symbol. At least he was having fun.

Despite not doing much with the pig’s head (come on, I’ve seen guys fuck those on stage before, lift yer’ game), and not cutting themselves with the barbed wire wrapped around the mike stand, Mayhem rocked. While all members looked like they lacked fitness, they belted out a pretty hard arsed set. Just don’t ask me what they played. I was too busy barracking. Carn’ the Black Metal! Stick it right up ‘em Norway!

- Glenn “I’m Going To Start A Metal Band Called Turetz Sindrome” Peters

Monday, August 19, 2002

Me & Tex Perkins

It was one of the more daunting tasks. Meet Tex Perkins at the Espy to do an interview, late on a Friday afternoon. Shit. The last interview I did with the biggest, coolest bastard of Oz rock went a treat. He phoned my house, called himself Gregory and told some pretty sordid stories about his days in The Beasts Of Bourbon. But for this interview I had little to go by: only an imminent new album; and a recent collaboration with You Am I on the Dirty Deeds soundtrack. I had to wing it and I was nervous. What do I ask him? What do I do? What do I wear? Too many questions.

Get to the Espy, see Tex in a full booth with band mates, Joel Silbersher and Charlie Owen, not yet finished an interview with The Age’s head music writer, Patrick Donovan. Nightmare. I wasn’t prepared for any of this.
Introduce myself to everyone and join the group. It seems that Donovan’s interview had only started. I had only one choice. Tag along. Wing it. Turn the tape recorder on and away we go.
To settle in, I let Patrick Donovan continue with his questions. I was cool with that. I know his stuff. He knows his stuff. Shouldn’t be a problem. Let The Age guy ask all the essential questions and then swoop in with the money shot question. The perfect plan. Easy.
Already Tex, Joel and Charlie were well into talking about the almost finished new album and had finished telling Donovan about a ‘country folk’ version of Bob Marley’s Concrete Jungle they had recently recorded with local dance diva, Amiel (you remember, the girl who sung on Josh Abrahams’ Addicted to Bass).
Then Donovan asks Tex what goes on, lyrically on the new record and gets the reply, “Everything and nothing.” The Age journo digs in with the hard nosed, newsy bloke question, “Break-ups from years ago?” He’s good, this Donovan. I would never have had the testiculi to ask that one…
“No, definitely not,” says Perkins. “I was thinking about their break-ups. Intentionally, I avoided all that. I’m quite happy with all my situations. This time I was very much conscious not to do it and keep the concept very broad. Elemental. The songs are a little more obscure.”
Silbersher chips in, “Sexy, romantic and late night fun.”
It’s time for me to ask one. Have we found out yet, musically what the new record sounds like?
Tex: “Yes, we said it’s like the Dark Horses album, the last one but with a little more rock in approach. It doesn’t rock so much but it has a rock approach. More crashy bashy with a new drummer.”
Donovan, “So tell us, what’s the drummer situation?” It’s almost like we’re working as a team. Tex answers, “I love Jim Elliot but I’m in another band with him and we wanted a drummer who was prepared to crash and bash a bit more. “
Charlie Owen elaborates: “The first one had a lot of folk elements, the second more constructed and practically electronic in approach, and this one we decided to approach it more like a band would.”
And then Silbersher, “Also the way playing with a drummer you change the way you play to the way he plays and it sounds different because of that. It’s not more aggression or more rock or anything like that it’s…”
“In a different suburb.” I’ve just finished Joel Silbersher’s sentence. Yes, the cheeky, funny bastard behind one of my fave ever, local albums Hoss’s Do You Leave Here Often, is saying some important stuff and I finish his sentence. Excellent.
Charlie and Joel elaborate and I’m getting some of it when, in the background, Tex’s voice booms, “You’ve got to show your shit.” Don’t know what he was talking about when he said this to Donovan, but it was a good quote. Way too good to leave out of this story. Then Tex joins our conversation, further describing the Dark Horses’ new drummer, Skritch, “He’s a Dave Grohl sort of drummer with a dub sensibility.
Joel loves Skritch. “He mixes a lot of bands and is a real rocking sort of drummer. He can play any instrument, is very musical and doesn’t drink which is fantastic.”
Joel’s drink rider quip helps to degenerate the conversation into 10 minutes of drink and drugs related rabble. All very funny at the time but on tape or on the page, it’s just shithouse, incoherent rabble. Amongst the mess, Tex came up with this little treat, “You have to share drugs as a band. You boys have heard the stories where half the band is taking heroin, the other half is drinking beer and two weeks later they split up. The band must all take the same drugs.” Sure, it was enjoyable but I was losing control of the interview. The journo pro, Patrick Donovan makes a save. He asks about Tex’s acting career and we find out about his role doing voices in the animated Canadian/Australian television show, Quads. “I played an alcoholic, has been, rock star.”
Silbersher, the smart arse, “You must have spent a lot of time researching that…”
Perkins, “I just spent and afternoon with Ian Rilen and I was there. It was great fun.” How do you you get that sort of work? “You just be an alcoholic rock star. They put out the call for people and I had to audition. The main character was sponsoring my character in AA.”
Another of Perkins’ roles was that of a dog with Noah Taylor in the short film, Down Rusty Down. “You never saw that? That’s my finest work. It’s kind of got the aesthetic of a cartoon and we are all guys dressed in dog costumes. I was talking to Noah recently and he was saying it was his most known piece of work because it was sold to a cable station and whenever there is a ten minute break in programming, they slot in Down Rusty Down. There are some people in the United States who’ve seen it over 100 times.”
The Age journalist leaves to get a jug and tell Perkins that Tim Rogers claimed him and Tim Hemmensley are the two best singers in the country. Tex is chuffed, “Well, that’s very generous of him. He’s very generous with his praise, Tim. Since I did the Dirty Deeds thing with Tim, I’ve been spending a bit of time with him. We’ve actually been going out for a kick on a regular basis.”
What, a Thursday night kick to kick?
Tex: “Bring a ball, find a paddock, go for a kick…”
No torps?
Tex: “It’s all there. I got him to show me how to do a banana kick the other day. It’s still a mystery to me. He’s a very skilled footballer. He probably could have easily considered a career.”
Does Tim Rogers kick with both feet?
Tex: “His left is better than my left. We’re both right footers.”
I take a deep breath and say, that I saw him Roy and HG and thought he looked a bit daunted. “I looked daunted? I was in my element,” Perkins protests. “It was my greatest moment on television. I was very comfortable. I was not daunted at all. Did I look daunted?”
Alright, what I’m getting at is that while you won’t get any interesting questions asked of you today, you sure won’t get any asked from you on TV.
Tex: “Of course not. It’s just a matter of banter. Doing the TV talk/chat thing is an art in itself. You’ve got to be a little bit pissed. It’s a matter of finding a bit of quick wit.”
He won’t let it lie. “Personally I thought I did quite well on Roy & HG.”
The best bit was when you read the news…
Tex: “Well, I’ve got a good newsreader tone. I think when I get into my 50’s I will get into news reading, voice-overs and that sort of thing with my authoritive voice (Speaking so low, my pot glass smashes), don’t you think?”
From that moment, the afternoon degenerated. We talked a bit about how the new album has mostly been recorded in the Perkins household and that they need to write a couple more songs to complete it. All fascinating stuff but the most interesting Tex Perkins tidbit learnt was that like myself, he has a torn Anterior Cruciate Ligament (shithouse knee). Alright the way we fucked up our knees is slightly different. Two events stuffed Tex’s knee. The ligament first ripped when he was restrained during the infamous post ARIAs brawl a few years ago. Weeks later, flying business class to Paris, Perkins waltzed down the aisle with a couple of champagnes in hand. Doesn’t see a step, falls over and then spends the next few days in a Paris hospital getting water pumped out of his knee. I did my knee at the Bayswater Indoor Soccer Centre. Brilliant.

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

Fauves Interview

The Fauves have a new album out called Footage Missing and true to form, it’s brilliant. I spoke to the band's singer bloke, Andrew Cox....

A Fauves album is usually a journey to far off places. And in Footage Missing you’ve left our shores to Frankfurt, The West Bank, Nairobi, Los Angeles…
“Yeah, this is probably our ex-patriot album even though we are certainly rooted here in Australia. I guess our last few albums have been full of Australian references. I don’t think there was a great plan or anything but it is true that there’s a lot of references to a lot of overseas references on this one.”

There’s a song by Big Star about going to India, drinking “gin and tonic and playing grand piano.” I liked how obviously the band didn’t seem to know where India was. I was reminded of the song with your line, “Jodhpurs clinging to the skin so tight. Quinine, gin and a head so light…”
“There is a bit of that. My existence wouldn’t be the most exciting life going around. It’s a way to take you somewhere more glamorous, mysterious or exotic. I’ve used song writing to do that all my life. It’s the most interesting part of my life. As soon as I put down the guitar, there’s a pile of dishes to do or I have to go out and walk the dog. So yes, I guess it’s a way of living out fantasies.”

On The Fauves website (www.thefauves.com.au) you refer to Collerige’s Byzantium, a poem which speaks of the grand, far off world.
“Yeah, it does indeed. You’ve made a nice little link there. The article’s writing itself.”

You were asked to write a press release, which never made it past the censors for Our First Day on the Run. I was lucky enough to read your obscene piece before it was shredded. Are you going to write anything to herald the new album?
“I have to tone it down. It’s a bit of a vexed issue, the band bio thing. On one level it’s not great to have to talk about yourself but on another level you really want to find somebody you can totally trust to present you the way you want to be presented. I end up writing a lot of that shit but its not a good idea. I couldn’t sit down and write that we are the most important band in the western world, which is what people expect from band bios but I can’t do it, even jokingly. I wish we could only record the album and put it out.”

Doing this interview is daunting because I know you could write this article better than myself or any other of the hacks you are going to speak to in the next few weeks. I remember there was a review in one of the streetpapers that you didn’t agree with so you wrote a review of the reviewer. I got to read that too and it was brilliant.
“Yeah, I remember that. But what was the question?”

What does the album title, Footage Missing come from?
“It’s probably more relevant to us because as you get older someone may be relating a story from the past and suddenly there’s a blank. That happens a lot with us when we are crapping on. Footage Missing refers to that blank spot in your memory. I don’t know where it went.”

And it’s not like they are going to release a DVD of your life and put in all that missing footage.
“(laughs) No. They certainly won’t. You would probably want Andy Warhol making one of those movies like Sleep, putting a camera on someone sleeping in bed for 12 hours. That would be as exciting as a movie of my life could get.”

You’re so self-effacing…
“No, I think I’m great but I’ve just had a boring life.”

I like how Yo Yo Craze talks about the trampolines, Hula Hoops, Rubiks Cubes, and footy cards of growing up in Melbourne in the ‘70s and ‘80s.
“It’s a recurring theme in my lyrics. You have to write about something that feels real to you. There are songs in this record that get away from that like we spoke about before but Yo Yo Craze is about something I can relate to.”

The Fauves have been topical in the past but the Doctor has pulled off a move of genius in Right Wing Fag by putting the Liberal Party and One Nation into a love song.
“He is one of the country’s great undiscovered genius’s. What can I say?”

Right Wing Fag is such a fantastic song.
“I love it. We put it last in the album. You know these days how people put their best songs up front. You have no faith that people will get to the end of a record and we’ve always tried to put a song that closed the record out well, not the worse song, at the end. You get hurt a bit by that. I think we have some great last songs on our records. Whenever people call out for them at gigs you know that 90% of the people didn’t get that far into the record. It’s kind of like a bittersweet thing.”

We grew up with vinyl and its two sides….
“That’s right. You get that break. I don’t think its any way passing aspersions on the listener but it is tough to get through 45-50 minutes of music especially on the first listen. With a record you play one side and it might be half an hour before you get around to flipping it over. You come back to it fresh again. I think it really has dictated the way albums are structured now. Now albums are structured in a lot more boring fashion. If the Beatles put out Seargent Peppers now they would have to open it with A Day In The Life because you couldn’t have it last because nobody would have got that far. It’s a shame.”

Yo Yo Craze also contains one of the greatest lines you’ve ever written, “Oh, the rusty springs are laughing.”
“(cacks himself) I’ve never pulled that line out of context but on its own, you’re right it sounds Shakespearean or something. You can see some bearded guy on a balcony bellowing it out to the stalls. (gets himself together) It’s a very un-rock’n’roll line, that one.”

I’ve heard some touching duets in my time but tell me about your duet in One Of The Girls.
“Ah, the one with me and Terry. That call and answer thing is out of Beverley Hills Cop. Eddie is in the strip club with the two straight policemen and they see two guys casing the joint. Eddie makes a pre-emptive strike and pretends to be a pissed dude, trying to put the guys off guard. That’s what it’s from. I thought it would be good to sample it from the movie but I thought there would be some legal problems. So I convinced Terry to play Axel Foley and I decided to play the uneasy criminal. Terry took a lot of coaxing to get into character but when he did, he really embraced it.”

I thought the album’s title, Footage Missing came from you guys annoying your record company with unfeasible ‘I’m on a mountain’ video clip ideas.
“That’s a more interesting interpretation of the title than I gave so I might use for interviews from now on. A lot of our ideas have bitten the dust. We usually have to scale our ambitions down. When we were on Polydor we found after awhile the bigger the concept, the more chance you have of getting them up. In Sunbury 97 we chartered a helicopter to Sunbury. We just threw the concept at them as a joke and the next thing we know we’re at Essendon Airport getting into this chopper. The next clip for Surf City Limits we joked about it being shot on Rene Rifkin’s yacht on the harbour and the next thing you know, we are! It’s so much about bluff.”

The line, “Royal Lanciers, pidgeon fanciers, pants men, croupiers, walking cancers,” scares me.
“I feel good that that line has never been used in the history of popular song. To me that’s an achievement. You have to take the victories when you get them. I wanted it to be a bit abrasive. There’s enough sensitive songs in the Fauves’ catalogue to set everyone right. It was time for something to ruffle a few feathers. I wanted to be a bit obnoxious. Once again, I was just wanting to be something that I’m not. That’s what music’s about for me.’

Wednesday, July 17, 2002

C.W. Rapp and George Rapp were the architects who designed the wonderful Melbourne venue, The Forum. With its imitation of night sky ceiling and ornate reproductions of Homer, Aesop and many other Greek poofs, The Forum really brings out the best in the performer. I've seen incredible sets by The Dirty Three, Beck, Primal Scream, Ryan Adams and The Dandy Warhols at the Forum and boy, do I love the place.

The Rapp brothers also designed many theatres in the US. The Riveria in Chicago is said to be an exact replica of The Forum. Anyway George Rapp saw theatre design in a totally different way to the dunderheads responsible for the multiplexes we have to endure today.

Here's George's idea of the perfect venue from the Ringling Brothers website.

"Watch the eyes of a child as it enters the portals of our great theatres and treads the pathway into fairyland. Watch the bright light in the eyes of the tired shopgirl who hurries noiselessly over carpets and sighs with satisfaction as she walks amid furnishings that once delighted the hearts of queens. See the toil-worn father whose dreams have never come true, and look inside his heart as he finds strength and rest within the theatre. There you have the answer to why motion picture theatres are so palatial. Here is a shrine to democracy where there are no privileged patrons. The wealthy rub elbows with the poor -- and are better for this contact. Do not wonder, then, at the touches of Italian Renaissance, executed in glazed polychrome terra cotta, or at the lobbies and foyers adorned with replicas of precious masterpieces of another world. or at the imported marble wainscoting or the richly ornamented ceilings with motifs copied from master touches of Germany, France, and Italy, or at the carved niches, the cloisetered arcades, the depthless mirrors, and the great sweeping staircases. These are not impractical attempts at showing off. These are part of a celestial city -- cavern of many-colored jewels, where iridescent lights and luxurious fittings heighten the expectations of pleasure. It is richness unabashed, but richness with a reason."

Here here!

Thursday, July 04, 2002

I did an interview with Tim Rogers of You Am I. Read it here. It's only up for a week so hurry!

Friday, June 28, 2002

Grumpy old bastard and one of the greatest bass players of alltime, The Who's John Entwhistle died today. Bummer.

Monday, June 24, 2002

I Was Maimed By Rock’n’Roll
My record collecting career highlights.

Yeah, sure I have thousands of records, tapes and CDs. There’s nothing to unusual, interesting or scintillating about my life long record collecting habit. But it’s the way that a few purchases, innocent at the time, have over years become defining moments of my own pop folklore. Okay, I’m nobody of any note just one of Beat’s many writers over the years, a bloke who accidentally surrendered himself to the stupid world of music. A world, which you can only reasonably expect a few sublime moments. Here’s a few of mine.

I think it was in 1981 when the rot really set in. The Grade 3 teacher proclaims a bring in your favourite record day. Everybody brings in Kiss, Kiss and more Kiss albums to accompany their Scanlens Kiss cards. Everybody, except me. I bring in With The Beatles. I couldn’t understand why I’m laughed at from all corners of the room. What’s wrong with Mr Postman? I love that song! “Glennis Peters is a der Fred! Glennis likes the Beatles! Glennis likes the Beatles!” Heathens. Years later I’m lucky enough to tell the story to none other than the God Of Thunder himself, Gene Simmons. He loved the sad tale and told me that at the same age, he too, was with obsessed with the very same album. Touché.

In 1982 I was given the choice of two albums, ACDC’s For Those About To Rock or Joan Jett and The Blackhearts’ Album. I take the Joan Jett record. I know what you’re thinking. Why freakin’ Joan Jett? Cos’ she’s a spunk, that’s why and who didn’t love I Love Rock’n’Roll? 20 years later and kids all over the world are making the exact same mistake with Britney Spears’ version of the Joan Jett classic.

You wouldn’t believe it but in Year 11 I wanted to be a radiologist. With the fast cars, inner city apartments and access to deadly radioactive waves, who wouldn’t? I did work experience at the local X-Ray place. I was set. That was until I found out that I was shithouse at maths. Then English Literature (I was the only boy in the class), and Tom Waits’ Frank Wild Years took over. From then on I was a thinker, philosopher and beat poet. More importantly, I was part of a tiny group of people at Glen Waverley High School who were scorned on as people who were into alternative music. Alternative to what? Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, Poison and Def Leppard, that’s what. Sheesh!

The moment I was told I would have to repeat Year 11 I was looking down. Not down in sorrow, no I was looking down on the two amazing records I had bought earlier that day, Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation and The Cramps’ Smell Of Female. I was still in record shop afterglow. I thought for a few seconds and metered this reaction, “That’s crap. You can’t do that. I passed everything. This isn’t Scotch College. I’ll do well next year. I couldn’t stand an extra year in this dump.” The reply? “Okay, let’s see you try. I bet you won’t make it.” I did.

Partly because I wanted to get a job at Rolling Stone, NME or even Beat (how ambitious) I went to Deakin in Geelong to do an Arts Degree in Journalism. That’s the official line. The deal breaker to go down to Geelong was the legendary Mudhoney shows at The Barwon Club a year previous. Geelong sounded cool as buggery. It almost was. One afternoon I bought My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless (on tape!) at Geelong’s Brash’s. I looked at the local importer’s tag on the tape and thought, what a cool logo. I’d love to work there one day! Years later I did work at that record company but bless you all who I worked with in those couple of years but working at a record company is not what I thought it would be. While most your workmates have hundreds of records at home, to find a music obsessive is rare. Sure, you’ll find lots of people passionate about their job but not about the actual music they’re selling. Now it’s time to reassess my maligned career path.

I was once told in a job interview for a music industry position that the obsessed record collector usually goes nowhere on the music ladder, usually destined to a Wednesday night graveyard shift at the local public radio station, not out there signing the acts and breaking the deals. If only they taught that in Grade 3….

Monday, June 17, 2002

Wouldn't believe it but someone came to this site through a google search of "best comb over". Why would you do such a search? If you are that person, please
leave a message!

By the way, on the weekend I heard a great new way to describe the comb over. Call it a Robin Hood. A haircut that steals from the rich and gives to the poor. I'll get me coat...

Wednesday, June 05, 2002

This guy has rated the flags of the world out of 100. Australia gets 55. Go Aussie go!

Monday, June 03, 2002

"1:04 -- Jacqueline from New York enjoys Irish dancing, basketball and swimming ... but she doesn't enjoy the word "casein" (the principal protein of cheese), which she just spelled wrong. Fifty years from now, somebody will say something to her like, "This cheese doesn't taste like it has enough casein," and she'll snap and kill everyone in the room.

1:25 -- Abhijith Eswarappa. That's not a word, that's a competitor. "He's also a strong mathmetician," Chris tells us, as Katie adds that Abhijith is already being recruited by colleges at age 14 (including Duke University). Sounds a little suspicious. Sadly, he couldn't get "beignet" (a fritter)."

ESPN Highlights from the 2002 US National Spelling Bee!

Thursday, May 16, 2002

From The New York Times...

Hugh Hicks, Prodigious Collector of Light Bulbs, Dies at 79

r. Hugh Francis Hicks, a dentist whose fascination with light bulbs is said to have begun when his mother tossed one into his crib and culminated in his owning 60,000 bulbs, died on May 7 in Baltimore. He was 79.

He had a heart attack, his daughter Frances Hicks Apollony, said.

Dr. Hicks showed off his collection in a museum in the basement under his periodontics office. He named it the Mount Vernon Museum of Incandescent Lighting, charged no admission and gave visitors, about 6,000 a year, cookies.

Not infrequently, patients had to wait as he welcomed people interested in seeing what he identified as the biggest and smallest light bulbs in the world — to say nothing of the floodlights used in an Elvis Presley movie or the headlamps from Hitler's Mercedes-Benz.

"Sometimes he left a patient sitting in the chair with the peroxide bubbling up in his mouth," his daughter said.

Harold D. Wallace, a specialist in the electricity collections of the National Museum of American History of the Smithsonian Institution, said Dr. Hicks had one of the three most important light bulb collections in the United States. The others are at the Smithsonian and the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Mich.

Dr. Hicks's specimens include an Edison bulb from the demolished Vanderbilt mansion in Manhattan; a dashboard light from the Enola Gay, the plane that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima; and a 15-watt fluorescent bulb that illuminated the table on which the Japanese signed the surrender agreement that ended World War II.

There are bulbs shaped like Dick Tracy, Betty Boop and Disney characters; a sailing ship inside a bulb; and men's ties with bulbs embedded in them. There are also a 50,000-watt bulb from the La Guardia Airport control tower and a light used in wiring spacecraft that can be seen only through a microscope.

There is a complete history of Christmas lighting, and there are 15 or 20 bulbs that Thomas A. Edison probably held in his hands 122 years ago.

Mr. Wallace said Dr. Hicks's impossible goal was to have one of every kind of bulb. "He was the kind of guy who never met a light bulb he didn't like," he said.

Hugh Francis Hicks was born on April 26, 1923, in Baltimore. His mother told Mrs. Apollony that he was bored with the toys in his crib, so she gave him an old bulb. Family legend has it that he was entranced, even if endangered.

As a boy, he liked school projects that involved electricity, and he began collecting bulbs.

He graduated from Columbia University and the University of Maryland Dental School, where he, like his father, specialized in periodontics, dealing with diseases of the bone and tissue supporting the teeth.

His passion intensified. He received donations from the University of Maryland physics department and cultivated other bulb enthusiasts with whom he could trade. On a vacation in the Bahamas, he saw some old Nassau street lights being removed and asked for one.

He was not above what might be termed stealing, and he proudly displayed stolen bulbs in a group he called 10 Hot Types. In the Paris Metro in 1964, he noticed a series of 1920's-era tungsten bulbs along the wall. He did not know that the bulbs were wired so that if one was removed, all would go out.

He surreptitiously removed a bulb, and the tunnel was suddenly pitch dark. With people screaming, he scrambled to replace the bulb.

"But I couldn't get it back," Dr. Hicks said in an interview in The Baltimore Sun. "So, you know me, I grabbed two more and took off."

In addition to his daughter Frances, who lives in Baltimore, surviving are another daughter, Louise Hicks Smith of Winchester, Va.; a sister, Lois Hicks Burkley of Baltimore; and four grandchildren. Mrs. Apollony said the family hoped to keep the collection intact and in Baltimore.

Dr. Hicks liked to tell the story of psychiatric researchers from the Johns Hopkins University who visited him in the mid-1980's as part of a study on why collectors collect. He told them that the greatest bulb collector of all time was William J. Hammer, who worked as an engineer for Edison and collected 130,000 electric bulbs before 1900. Each was different.

"Mr. Hammer died the month that I was born," Dr. Hicks told the psychiatrists. "Do you believe in reincarnation?"

The interview ended immediately.

Thursday, May 09, 2002

From The Daily Southdown...

Strange cargo found in forest

Stumped officials try to find out who dropped off 55 gallons of goat semen in Cook County preserve

Wednesday, May 1, 2002

By Jennifer Martikean
Staff writer

It wasn't nearly as much fun as a barrel full of monkeys, but the barrel firefighters found was just as weird.
It was full of goat semen.

Or maybe it was pig semen.

"We're still in disbelief," said a firefighter who did not want to be identified. "I have never heard of anything like this ever happening. We have no idea who did this."

The mysterious barrel was discovered Monday night by a passerby at the Arie Crown Woods near Countryside, Cook County Forest Preserve Lt. Michael Albrecht said.

When the police came out to take a look, they found a white, 55-gallon container with a black plug on top and hazardous materials markings on the outside.

They called in the hazardous materials team from Pleasantview Fire Protection District.

"The firefighters came, they saw the barrel, and the cleared out the area," Albrecht said.

Firefighters spent some time trying to figure out what kind of substance they were dealing with. All they knew was the barrel had some liquid in it.

After a careful inspection, firefighters found a phone number on one of the stickers. They radioed the number to dispatchers, who traced it to an Iowa company called Swine Genetics.

The company ships pig and boar semen in canisters, which in turn are placed in large drums filled with liquid nitrogen. The liquid nitrogen keeps the semen at the optimal temperature so it can be shipped long distances and used for artificial insemination.

No one has any idea how the semen ended up at the forest preserve.

"We get calls about illegal dumping all the time, but never anything like this," Albrecht said.

The police department "properly disposed" of the semen, but declined to say how.

There was some conflicting information about what kind of semen was in the canister. Albrecht said police believe it was goat semen, but Swine Genetics only deals in pig semen. A worker at the company said the barrels are expensive, costing as much as $1,100, and they are often reused by farmers to ship other types of semen.

Pleasantview firefighters were a little embarrassed about the big fuss. They were still laughing about it Tuesday and could hardly comment.

"It is just so bizarre that that would be out there," a firefighter said. "We've had all kinds of guesses at the station all day. But I'm not going to tell you what they were."

A worker at Swine Genetics said the company hasn't had any reports of missing semen, and police said no one has reported anything like it missing.

The company ships internationally out of O'Hare International Airport, so it is possible one of the barrels could have come from the airport, he said.

Saturday, May 04, 2002

Tuesday, April 30, 2002

I LOVE THIS SITE!!!!! www.hungrybutscared.com It's just way to good!

Saturday, April 27, 2002

Tuesday, April 23, 2002

A hospital ball is sponsored by a cigar company. We live in strange times.
Congratulations, you've won the golf tournament! Here's your lovely looking trophy!

Monday, April 22, 2002

From Timothy McSweeney's Unreserved Embrace

Rapper Or Toiletry Product?

1. Suave
2. Nice & Smooth
3. Soft & Gentle
4. Shyne
5. All Fresh
6. All Natural
7. Remedy
8. D-Flame
9. Cream Silk
10. Volume 10
11. Dimension
12. Cool Breeze
13. Smooth Appeal
14. Q-Tip

Toiletry: 1, 3, 5, 9, 11, and 13.
Rapper: 2, 4, 6, 7, 8, 10, and 12.
Both toiletry and rapper: 14.

Friday, April 19, 2002

You have to buy yourself a copy of Darren Hanlon's new record, Hello Stranger. It sounds like he's a big Jonathon Richman fan. Always a good thing.
I need to stay at the Madonna Inn. A hotel with 109 individually themed rooms.

The Safari Room is great "if you like Tigers, Leopards, Zebras and Elephants, you will love this room! Decor in the bathroom also carries out the bold “Safari” theme, with rock waterfall shower. Room is equipped with two king-sized beds."

Make sure you visit the Madonna Suite, "decorated by incorporating the color schemes, furnishings, and basic ideas favored through the years by Alex and Phyllis Madonna. The huge rock fireplace, unique rock waterfall sink and shower in the bathroom, tones of reds and pinks, and the use of crystal all play a part in making this fanciful hideaway a favorite."

My personal favorite is the All American Suite which is a "tastefully decorated in early American furniture, it offers two king-sized beds, a 7-foot bathtub and double sinks. The focal point is a colossal fireplace of natural white stone. Easy chairs of red, white and blue leather add to the comfort and luxury of this patriotic paradise."

Saturday, April 13, 2002

A list of Net 50 recipes....

George’s Angels On Horseback oysters, wrapped in bacon
Marilyn Manson’s Devils On Horseback prunes wrapped in bacon
Gomez’s antipasto platter eclectic mix of cold meats, olives and cheeses
Faithless’s Crazy English Summer Salad Haddock and iceberg lettuce with generous pinch of rocksalt and rocket
Mr Oysterhead prefers his oysters with nothing a generous squeeze of lemon
Alex Lloyd’s Green Bananna Curry
Daft Punk’s Savory Cheese Tarlets
Thom Yorke’s Special Goat Vindaloo

Wednesday, April 10, 2002

I wrote this review for Beat Magazine.

Pretty Together

Right now, Sloan could be one of the best live bands in the world. Those who were lucky enough to see these super talented, good lookin’ and tea totallin’ Canadians when they visited in 1999 would mostly agree. To get an almost full Prince Of Wales (hotel, not the mourning English chap) singing along to a song they have never heard before is heresy in the current must-not-smile-and enjoy-ourselves-or-admit-to-loving-rock-just-keep-the-marketing-machine-rolling-smoothly era.

Back then they were touring with the amazing album, Between The Bridges. That record was a slow burner, so slow that in an interview I gave one of the poor members a grilling over the phone accusing them of the weird and made-up crime of being “very medium”. Imagine my embarrassment when, by the time Sloan were in Melbourne I had to recant and admit that I had made a stupidly ambit claim. This brings us to the new record, Pretty Together. This time I can’t make the same mistake. You see, local record company reason saw fit not to release Pretty Together until now, when for everywhere else in the world, the album came out around November last year. I payed around $17 million for it on import at the time, played it to death for a month and found I didn’t like it much. Yes, for the same reasons as their previous record. Today I turn it on and, what the fuck was I thinking, this is an awesome record. Last year, The Life Of A Working Girl seemed creepy and inept, now I get it, it’s and pretty and obscure love song. With the backward guitar sweep in the background, it’s supposed to be creepy. Never Seeing The Ground For The Sky is a belter. Get the lyric sheet out and scream along. It’s In Your Eye is classic Sloan, combining a belting rhythm, subtle three part harmonies and superbly dumb lyrics, “You’re so crazy, crazy for me and I don’t know why, yeah I don’t know why,” while album opener If It Feels Good Do It is just big, dumb and delicious rock. And check this out, Pick It Up And Dial is a rock’n’roll infomercial with Gene Simmons like screams of “People people. This is a poll. Are you one of the ones who went and gave up on rock’n’roll?” Dicky? Yes. Brilliant? Indeed.

So, there you go. After over four months I’ve come around to loving this new Sloan album. It’s almost perfect and I only realise when I was singing along with In The Movies in the shower this morning. Only goes to prove one thing, familiarity does breed content.

Tuesday, April 09, 2002

Penthouse magazine is going out of business, according to the NY Times.

Monday, April 08, 2002

Went to see Steve Earle last night. Sure, he's known for bringing country rock back to its dirty origins but really, he's got to be inducted to the hall of fame for having the best comb-over in the history of rock'n'roll....
From The Times....

THE Glastonbury Festival is about to enter a new corporate era with door-to-door helicopter rides bypassing the huge tailback of hippy camper vans.

This year Glastonbury welcomes a new breed of festivalgoers who have pencilled in the three-day jamboree alongside Glyndebourne and Henley in the social season.

Almost 100,000 tickets have been sold for the festival, which begins on June 28, where the headline acts are rumoured to include Rod Stewart and the Stereophonics.

Corporate packages are selling fast for Glastonbury “virgins” who want to sample the famous atmosphere of hippy eccentricity without the unpleasantness associated with camping in a field with the mud-encrusted hordes.

For £4,000 a helicopter will pick up a visiting party from the back garden, fly over the traditional 20-mile traffic jam leading to Worthy Farm and dispatch guests in a sealed-off, mud-free VIP marquee bordering the site.

Inside ticket-holders will lounge on cushions, sofas and armchairs while high-quality cuisine and drink is served around the clock. They will be joined by many of the star bands, who have signed up to take the corporate package, rather than enjoy the delights of a backstage camper van.

Mark Edgley, of flyglastonbury.com, said: “This is the new way to ‘do’ Glastonbury. We have 11 choppers ready to go and we will pick people up from their back gardens and offer them 24-hour hospitality on site. A lot of the bookings have come from the bands themselves.”

Those pesky monkeys!

Tuesday April 2, 2:11 PM

Monkeys destroy library, stall classes in girls' college

By Indo-Asian News Service

Kolkata, Apr 2 (IANS) Scores of monkeys have swamped a girls' college in the hill resort of Darjeeling in eastern India, destroying thousands of books, stalling classes, clawing and slapping the students.

The monkeys have torn to shreds at least 6,000 books in the library and broken furniture. The damage to property caused by them exceeds Rs.60,000.

Residential students and teacher of Loreto College in Darjeeling, about 625 km north from here, are now under constant fear of a repeat attack from the monkeys, which have made the college precincts their home.

College authorities say the aggressive animals were unafraid of human beings. The truant monkeys have destroyed the college library, clawed and slapped students and invaded classrooms bringing lessons to an abrupt halt.

The college canteen has been a favourite haunt for the monkeys and students have reported instances of food packets being snatched by the animals.

Help had been sought from the district authorities, but till now nothing had been done to "mitigate our sufferings," a teacher said.

Monkey attacks are a seasonal menace in the Darjeeling hills. The girls' college came under their attack last year as well.

The district authorities say their hands are tied as local residents oppose any action against the monkeys, considered scared by Hindus.

District forest officials say after receiving complaints from Loreto College last year, they had captured 30 monkeys and released them in a faraway jungle. But the local residents opposed that and stuck posters on walls condemning the action.

"So, this year we don't know what to do," a confused forest official said.

Thursday, March 28, 2002

An amazing moment in modern art....

Tracy Emin finds her lost cat poster has become an art form

By Joanna Bale (The Times)

WHEN Tracy Emin’s beloved cat, Docket, disappeared from her home in Spitalfields, the artist thought nothing of pinning up a few posters on lamp-posts, appealing for help in finding him.

Perhaps the outrageous doyenne of BritArt should have realised that when your most famous work of art is an unmade bed deemed to be worth £150,000, there is no end to what people might regard as your latest masterpiece.

For no sooner had the notices gone up, than they were torn down as rumours circulated that they could be worth a fortune. A neighbour in Miss Emin’s trendy East London artists’ enclave, which also houses Gilbert and George, said: “Apparently people have been quoted £500 a poster.”

Docket has, after all, appeared on a previous work by Miss Emin when she donated signed Polaroid photographs of herself holding the black and white cat to a charity raffle at the opening last year of the exhibition Ant Noises 2 at the Saatchi gallery.

While enthusiastically endorsing her other works, including a tent embroidered with the names of all the people she has slept with, Miss Emin’s agent insisted that this time, the poster was definitely “not art”.

A spokeswoman for the White Cube gallery, which also handles the works of Damien Hirst, said: “Tracy does deal with memorabilia, but the posters are not works of art, it’s simply a notice of her missing cat to alert neighbours. It’s not a conceptual piece of work and it has nothing to do with her art.”

Luckily for Miss Emin, the misunderstanding — and the fact that no reward was offered for the cat’ — did not prevent her finding Docket. The two were reunited earlier this week. The spokeswoman added: “Tracy was very upset about losing her cat, but Docket has been found.”

And perhaps not a moment too soon: Jake and Dinos Chapman, local residents and Emin’s BritArt contemporaries, helped to cement their controversial reputation with a gruesome series of paintings depicting tortured moggies.

It's been pretty rough lately. The big guys are dropping like flies. Yesterday, the man who taught me how to swear properly, Dudley Moore, died.

Check out the great man's obiturary in The Times.

Dudley Moore, CBE, comic, film star, composer, musician and cunt, was born on April 18, 1935. He died on March 27, 2002, aged 66.

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

Gig Posters is an unbelievable gig poster site.

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

I'm back! Is Tom Cruise an alien? Here's something from Salon's Oscar coverage....

"I must warn the world about Tom Cruise. I feel he is an utterly terrifying Superior Life Form, with the power to melt heads and braid spines. His eyes are as hard, shiny and brutally penetrating as diamond drill-bits. The new braces on his teeth suggest that he is erasing all that remained of his tiny imperfections, and he is now metamorphosing into Ultra Super Perfection Man 3000. I fear his intense, mind-beating politeness, his titanium imperviousness to human weakness, his barking power-laugh.

"Movies make a little bit of magic touch our lives," he commanded us to acknowledge, with steely resolve and Mach-5 mega-humorlessness.

People in the audience started laughing, until they realized that Tom was Not Being Funny At All. He was chosen to frankly address the post-Sept. 11 whither-the-Oscars conundrum head-on. "Should we celebrate the magic the movies bring? Now?" Tom asked, his eyes boring into the eyes of the TV multitudes and implanting rays of total domination. "Dare I say it?" He flashed a smirk with his robotically flawless teeth. "More than EVER," he hissed, laying on his most Extreme Scientological Unction. He had been commanded by the Elders to Obi-Wan-Kenobi-ize the audience into rebelieving in the importance of the obscenely superfluous Oscars. Tom Cruise is becoming the Scary Flaming Eye from "The Lord of the Rings," and I fear that nobody can stop him."

Friday, March 08, 2002

Go to Rate My Gas Mask now! Not as exciting asRate My Poo but still worth the effort....

Tuesday, March 05, 2002

It was brilliant to see the O Brother soundtrack win best album Grammy last week. The wonderful bluegrass album's overwhelming word of mouth popularity could be a warning to lazy record company people (too often, people who don't like music) to lift their game. Even in Australia, the O Brother soundtrack spent some time in the ARIA top 40.

In an essential article, Newsweek agrees....

"So what can the industry learn from “O Brother”? Probably nothing. For one thing, authenticity can’t be cloned without turning it into “authenticity,” and smart listeners can hear quotation marks a mile away. For another, record executives must be among the slowest learners on the planet. Only 5 percent of major-label releases make a profit; a big company needs to sell 500,000 copies of a CD just to break even. Hmm: could any of this have to do with dumb decisions? Virgin Records bought Mariah Carey for $80 million in 2001, only to give her an extra $28 million last month to go away. Meanwhile, Sheryl Crow and Don Henley have felt compelled to found the new Recording Artists’ Coalition, an organization of high-profile performers hoping to protect musicians from their own labels."


Friday, March 01, 2002

"A Las Vegas man who admitted stealing a monkey last year and trading the animal for crack cocaine and marijuana has been sentenced to three years and six months in prison."

Go to Boing Boing for the link to the full story.

There are holes in the sky
Where the rain gets in,
But they're ever so small
That's why rain is thin.

- Spike Milligan 1918 - 2002

Tuesday, February 26, 2002

The Winter Olympics are over. Like you, I loved the curling. It's fun watching old blokes bowling stuff down supermarket aisles. Yes, and you too can be a speed freak janitor by downloading your very own DIY curling kit here!
The always brilliant Retrocrush website has just put up a 3 page Deborah Harry gallery. Now it's everybody's birthday!

Phroawr! Debbie Harry messages here...

Today's my birthday! Happy birthday to me! I share my birthday with none other but the big man in black, Johnny Cash.

By the way, according to his website, "Johnny and (his wife) June Carter Cash wholeheartedly support our President, George W. Bush, The United States Armed Forces, The Rescue Teams, and their fellow countrymen, in the fight to eliminate world terrorism." So there.

Even if you aren't a big Johnny Cash fan, make sure you click here to check out the pretty scary winners of the "What Johnny Cash Means To Me" essay competition.

Post (birthday) Message

Monday, February 25, 2002

"Chuck Jones, legendary animation director and artist, best known for his work on the Warner Bros. classic Looney Tunes cartoon series, died on the weekend of congestive heart failure. In a career spanning over 60 years, Jones made more than 300 animated films, winning three Oscars as director and in 1996 an honorary Oscar for Lifetime Achievement.

Jones helped bring to life many of Warner Bros. most famous characters—Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd and Porky Pig. The list of characters he created himself includes Road Runner, Wile E. Coyote, Marvin Martian, Pepe le Pew, Michigan J. Frog and many others..."

From the Chuck Jones website.

Yes, and Chuck's first film was of course, called The Nightwatchman.

Post Message.

Friday, February 22, 2002

Rules of Thumb by The West Virginia Surf Report.

-A person who wears a belt with shorts is probably religious.
-If a person says he enjoys the opera, that person is a liar.
-If the outside of the CD has the word "Zappa" on it, you're going to be disappointed by the music inside.
-If the video box shows a beautiful woman pointing a gun, the movie is shit.
-If the flyer shows the band standing on the railroad tracks, the band is shit.
-If a person says, "Go look in the sink" - don't.
-The day a person goes to the store to buy a book of word-search puzzles marks the beginning of the long, slow decline to death.
-Women with homemade tattoos on their hands don't know shit about Graham Greene.
-A drunk fat woman is louder than The Who.
-If you make fun of Kevin Bacon too much, your nose will stay that way.
-If the letters PhD appear after a person's name, that person will remain outdoors even after it's started raining.
-Celebrity overdoses are all the more tragic because the person was always right on the verge of getting their life turned around.
-Nobody cares about the weird dream you had last night.
-You CAN judge a book by its cover.
-If you open a shit cafe in a trendy neighborhood, people will line up with money in their hands begging to eat shit.
-People who say, "Whoa, I'm not even going to touch that one!!" can't think of anything clever to say.

Post Message

Wednesday, February 20, 2002

Got another letter published in The Age today. It went something like:

"I guess the film adaption of Election 2002 will be called Decks, Lies & Videotape."

Have you ever written a letter to the newspaper? Tell us about it

Yes, I've worked out how to do um, what do you call them... discussion forums. So feel free to post messages and talk it up. It should be pretty easy to do.

Post a message!

From The Outer is a very good Collingwood Footy Club fansite, much better than the club's own shitty site.

Post message.

Tuesday, February 19, 2002

This Glenn Peters is not me.

Post Message

Thursday, February 14, 2002

Complete Derek & Clive scripts here!

Discuss Derek & Clive

Derek & Clive are a couple of dirty old bastards. I love 'em.
"Increasingly, the government is demanding that bookstores reveal what books their customers have purchased."

Yes, just like in movies.... Read the Salon article here.

Tuesday, February 12, 2002

I'm about to interview The Church's Steve Kilbey. Not sure how it will go. Tell you about it soon.....

Monday, February 11, 2002


Friday, February 08, 2002

A waiters union representative is call the chop steward.
Never upset a cannibal. You might end up in hot water.
The vegetable never taken aboard ship is a leek.
In order to talk to a viking you need to know Norse code.
To be arrested without a visa is a borderline infraction.

From Pun Of The Day.

Tuesday, February 05, 2002

"The one thing Cowboys and Jews have in common is that we both like to wear hats indoors."
Wise arse crime writer/country singers/friend of the presidents, Kinky Friedman is a genius. Check out his weekly column in The Texas Monthly and his animal rescue park, Utopia Rescue Ranch.
Check out the Dole Army website. The Dole Army are a bunch of students who pulled a funny arse hoax on the two major Australian current affairs television shows last night.

Monday, February 04, 2002

Awesome. A complete Belle & Sebastian concert on the BBC website! Really worth the listen. Yeah, I very much like Belle & Sebastian. It took me a couple of years to get over their smartarsiness and twee-ness (good made up word, eh?) but now rarely a couple of days go by without me listening to one of their records. Oh well, you get that.
From Popbitch....

"Anthony Bourdain tells a story of when he used to work in a restaurant at the top of New York's Trump Plaza. One night, Frank Sinatra made an appearance, and after singing a few songs disappeared to the bathroom. Bourdain followed a few minutes later, and noticed a pair of high heels underneath a cubicle door... at which point he heard Ol' Blue Eyes utter the immortal words: "it's the Empire State Building baby! Suck it! Go on, Suck it!"

Wednesday, January 30, 2002

From Salon....

Jan. 29, 2002 | If you've ever wondered where Michael Jackson finds the inspiration for his most heartfelt love songs, the answer is at hand: He gets it from playing with kids.
In a strictly innocent way, of course. Like, say, the water balloon fight that moved him to write his recent power ballad "Speechless," a plaintive song of a love that dare not speak.
(Sample lyrics: "When I'm with you, I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what to say. My head's spinning like a carousel. So silently I pray. Helpless and hopeless, that's how I feel inside ...")
"I was with these kids in Germany, and we had a big water balloon fight and I was so happy after the fight that I ran upstairs in their house and wrote 'Speechless,'" Jackson tells Vibe magazine.
A balloon-inspired burst of inspiration, you might call it.
"Fun inspires me. I hate to say that, because it's such a romantic song. But it was the fight that did it," he says. "I was happy, and I wrote it in its entirety right there."
He just has to know how this stuff sounds.

Friday, January 25, 2002

"After losing her first-round dustup to Justine Henin, Kournikova has now gone more than a year without winning a match at a major and has a ranking that has plummeted outside the top 100. Five years have elapsed since her semifinal showing at Wimbledon. It's getting increasingly tough to justify rooting for Kournikova on tennis grounds. What's more, this whole icy demeanor and you-can't-afford-me thing has gotten stale. When she was an attractive teenager with a bright tennis future, her abundant attitude and queenly bearings were amusing. Now, after five years of on-court futility, she's simply churlish and disagreeable."

From a cool Anna Kournikova article on the CNN website.
And here's a big Brian Eno article I wrote last year!
I've interviewed The Hoodoo Gurus and Monarchs' Brad Shepherd a couple of times. He's a dapper old bloke who refuses to stop playing that embarrassing rock'n'roll music. Check out this interview I did with him a couple of years ago.
With the help of a story making program on the hello kitty webpage I just wrote me a story. It's the most beautiful thing I have ever written!

Hello Kitty sat dreaming about shitty cars. One day she hoped to be a boss . If I shit hard I can be whatever I want to be, she thought. Her parents always shat her. One day, you could be a strategic manager, said mama. Or perhaps a piss boy, added papa. I think you should be a dj just like grandpa, said grandma. Hello Kitty picked up her song and went into the toilet. Feeling a bit stinking, she decided to make a big batch of dogs for her family.

Friday, January 18, 2002

My letters didn't get published today either. Oh well...

Thursday, January 17, 2002

The 7 wonders of the web according to The Guardian.
Just in case you haven't seen it, here's my link on the Triple J website.
They didn't publish my letters today. Last chance tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 16, 2002

Another letter to The Age....

To the Letters Editor,

Am I the only one to detect the irony of the ACB and players' press conference appeal for crowd calm performed in front of a Victoria Bitter backdrop?


Glenn Peters
I have an aim. Not to get a better job, no that would be too easy. I'm aiming to get a letter published in Melbourne's broadsheet newspaper, The Age. Here's my first attempt...

To the Letters Editor,

Another Australian Open first: a sore loser and a sore winner in the same match!


Glenn Peters

I'll keep you all posted. Ah, posted... get it? get it? posted, that's really bloody funny.

Tuesday, January 15, 2002

Get this! If you do a google search for the vomit inducing liquid called Epicack, this site comes up as the number one site! A few people have come to my site through the google link! How cool is that?

Monday, January 14, 2002

Alrighty, it's my turn now....

Glenn Peters' 2001 Lists

Best LP's

1 Rufus Wainwright - Poses
2 Bob Dylan - Love & Theft
3 The Strokes - This Is Shit
4 Cash Brothers - How Was Tomorrow
5 Johnny Cash - Solitary Man
6 Hammil On Trial - Choochtown
7 Teenage Fanclub - Howdy
8 Down From The Mountain - OST
9 Beta Band - Hot Shots II
10 Lucinda Williams - Essence

Top Gigs

1 Bob Dylan
2 Eminem
3 Quarrelmen
4 Crooked Fingers
5 Happy Mondays
6 Go Betweens (supporting PJ Harvey)
7Roni Size
8 Black Rose
9 Dandy Warhols

Melbourne's Best Indian Restaurants for 2002

1 MY2K
2 Trendy Aussie Indian Cuisine
3 Himalaya Dahba
4 Singh's
5 Tandoori Nights

Shit Things For 2002

Afro Men, At The Drive In, Nu Metal (absolutely no exceptions!), Cocaine, Lleyton Hewitt, Kevin Sheedy, Death of The Continental, Punters Club and Sale Of The Century, Modern Inner City Apartments, Tobacco, Cocaine, Almost Famous, Music "Journalism", Fancy Beer, Cocaine.

Email me at glennpeters@hotmail.com and tell us what you thought of 2001!

Happy New Year! I'm back posting stuff every day!